


Spotless as You

by witch_doctress



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bisexual Harry Potter, F/F, F/M, Harry Potter AU, LGBTQ Character, M/M, Marauders, POV Remus Lupin, Remus Lupin Loves Sirius Black, Remus Lupin Raising Harry, Second War with Voldemort, Sirius Black Raises Harry Potter, Sirius Black and Remus Lupin Raise Harry Potter, wolfstar, wolfstar raising Harry au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-15
Updated: 2021-02-18
Packaged: 2021-03-12 20:49:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 25,503
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28766598
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witch_doctress/pseuds/witch_doctress
Summary: Wolfstar (Remus Lupin & Sirius Black) raising Harry au.Sirius got to Harry before Hagrid, securing him with Remus before trying to exact revenge on Peter Pettigrew. However Peter fails to frame Sirius (because they weren't idiots and they used vertiaserum), and Pettigrew gets to sit in Azkaban.Weighed down by survivors guilt, the strain of parenting, ghosts from his past and communication issues with Sirius, Remus navigates the fifteen years after 1981 only to be drawn into the second, and last war of his life.This fic spans from 1981 to 1996, there are some time jumps but it's mainly Remus and Sirius trying to parent Harry, as well as struggling with grief and the extra attention Harry garners from being the "chosen one".This fic does deal with grief a lot, and survivors guilt. Please, please be kind to yourself,know your limits.DISCLAIMER: I do not support J.K Rowling or ANY celebrities that were involved in the movies and have not spoken out against her. Transphobia, homophobia, anti-Semitism or any kind of bigotry is not welcome on my page.
Relationships: Arthur Weasley/Molly Weasley, Mary Macdonald/Marlene McKinnon, Minerva McGonagall/Poppy Pomfrey, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin
Comments: 109
Kudos: 131





	1. The Night Lightning Met Stars

**Author's Note:**

> First chapter, I hope you like it! Please leave questions, comments or suggestions!  
> Content Warning: Semi-graphic descriptions of injuries (Blood, bruising).  
> Brief mention of suicide.

He was far too tired for twenty years old. The transformation this month, the first one alone since he was fourteen, had ravaged his body and he longed for the warm healing hands of Madam Pomphrey. 

It was a night of firsts; first Hallowe’en without his friends in eleven years, first time in many years that he had hurt himself so bad that his consciousness hadn’t returned for longer than a few hours after moonset. He had lain on the orange and red blanketed floor of the Forest of Dean for five hours after the sun rose.

In the afternoon of October 31st, 1981, Remus Lupin slumped against the door of his apartment. He fumbled the key from his robes and clumsily shoved it into the keyhole. He was clutching his side, and favouring one of his legs as he dragged himself into the small flat. It was empty. 

The emptiness was not unusual during the war, Remus and Sirius were hardly in the same place at one time, and recently their relationship had been strained. This full moon Sirius was supposed to go with Remus, just the two of them, as they had done for the last couple of years. At least that had been the plan before Sirius had been called out on a mission. 

Remus liked the full moons with Sirius. They were able to escape the war, the constant ‘missions’, the balancing act that was shelving his emotions in the name of the ‘Greater Good’. He sighed, it did no good to him or his injuries to dwell on his anger at Dumbledore at this moment.

Remus limped to the bathroom and began to assess. His ankle was probably broken, it was twice it’s usual size and mottled purple and yellow. He knew he had a nasty cut on his ribs, but nothing felt broken in his upper body. He reached out to the bathroom cabinet, and he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror. His face was sunken and pale, and on the left side of his head the hair was matted with blood. Reaching a tentative hand up to touch it, he flinched, there was a large gash on the side of his head, pouring warm, sticky blood. 

He tried to wrench his eyes away from the skeletal man that looked back at him, when he realized how old he looked. The war had taken decades off his life in three short years. He suddenly thought of his father, he couldn’t’ve been much more than ten years older than Remus was now. Whether he had transferred the anger he felt from the war, or his emotions were on the fritz because of the full moon, Remus felt anger towards the dead fool. He thought bitterly, _You kill yourself over a werewolf son? How weak could you be?_ He spent a moment mentally bashing his father; Remus had surely been through a million times more suffering than Lyall had, and he was still here. Perhaps he was just stronger, perhaps he overestimated his father’s strength.

The gauze that had been balancing on the side of the sink fell to the floor and suddenly Remus was painfully aware that he had been ignoring his injuries. He tended to his ankle with a quick spell, and investigated his side. 

After he bathed, combing the pieces of dried blood out of his wet curls, and carefully cleaning and bandaging his side, he dressed. It was well past three o’clock when Remus settled down on the couch with a book and a mug of tea. He knew he needed to sleep, but stubborn as he was, he decidedly stayed conscious, waiting for Sirius to return from whatever Order mission he was on.

Remus, not really reading the book in front of him, imagined sitting with Sirius, combing through his beautiful long hair, inhaling the scent. He wanted the whole world to stand still just so he could relive the precious moments with Sirius when it felt like they were actually young and in love, instead of just pretending. 

~~~

Remus woke with a small start, the mug that had been balancing on his chest as he slept tipped over and spilled the remaining tea on his sweater. “At least it’s cold” he said out loud for no particular reason. He lifted his head off of the cushion and it began to throb horribly. 

Remus stumbled to the small kitchen, his ankle still tender, but mending, and shuffled around in the cupboard for the painkilling potions that Marlene had insisted he store for this exact reason. He found one and drank the bottle, it left a stomach-clenching bitter taste in his mouth. He turned around and looked out the window, it was now dark and the few stars that weren’t blocked by clouds glittered softly.

Glancing at the digital oven clock, he saw it was 10pm. And then he felt an anxious fluttering in his ribs. It took him a second to realize exactly why he felt anxious, and then he remembered, _Sirius_. Sirius had been on that Order mission for almost twenty-four hours now! Something had gone wrong, Remus was sure of it. No mission lasted that long. 

Remus strode over to the fireplace and grabbed a fist of floo powder. He jabbed his wand at the ashen logs and flames burst into life, dancing merrily, contrasting the cold dread that had settled in his stomach. There must be at least one person at Order Headquarters, Remus thought, and he threw the powder at the flames and they flickered emerald.

Sticking his head in, he said clearly “The Potter’s, Order Headquarters.” He felt a sickening spinning, and then he opened his eyes, and gazed out into the living room of the Potter’s living room. “Hello?” Remus said, loudly. 

No response.

“Hello?!” Remus said again, a bit of desperation creeping into his voice, “Is anyone there?” This call seemed successful as he heard footsteps hurrying around the corner. 

Mary McDonald, dressed in purple robes, hurried over. Remus looked at her face, there were tears streaking down her face and her eyes were red and puffy. “Oh Remus!” She sobbed.

Remus’s stomach leadened. Something _had_ gone wrong with the mission. Remus’s mouth filled with sand but he choked out, “What’s wrong? Is Sirius okay?” 

Mary blinked, and then her face melted into sorrow again, “Oh you haven’t heard!”

Remus became horribly aware of his body, still anchored back in his flat, and all the blood drained from his face. “Haven’t heard what? What ha-” But Remus was cut off by a pounding on the door of his apartment. “Oh shit, Mary I have to go” and he pulled his head out of the fireplace. He banged his head on the mantle. 

“Fuck” He murmured, rubbing it, and then it came again,

**BANG BANG BANG**

The door rattled on it’s hinges. And from outside a muffled voice came, “Moony!”

**BANG BANG BANG**

Relief flooded his body: It was Sirius. He didn’t sound hurt, or in mortal peril either. He sounded urgent though.

Remus closed the distance between the fireplace and the door in two strides. He wrenched it open and standing in the hallway was Sirius. Remus scanned him quickly, there was no blood or anything to suggest any injury. The only thing that was abnormal was the small wrapped up blanket that he held in his arms. Sirius smelled like himself, his shampoo, his distinct body odor and motor oil, but there was another acrid smell that lingered around him, and emanated from the bundle in his arms. Remus remembered the scent from his encounters with Deatheaters while on duty for the Order: Dark Magic. 

Finally, Remus looked into Sirius’s eyes. They were wild and crazed, there was ash in his hair and on the shoulders of his thin cotton shirt. Sirius opened his mouth, and something very small and very quiet sounded out. 

“W-what?” Remus verbalized.

“Peter” Sirius responded, his voice shaking and only slightly audible this time. 

“What about Peter?” Remus asked, and then panic seized him as he remembered Mary, crying at Order Headquarters. “Did they get Peter? Is he okay?”

Sirius just shook his head and then extended the bundle of blanket out towards Remus. He took it from Sirius, and looked down. A small face was swaddled in the blankets, with a tuft of jet black hair sticking out, and something new. A horrible red mark was still bleeding on the babe’s forehead, and when Remus looked at it, the smell of Dark Magic overwhelmed him. 

“How’d Harry get this mark?” Remus asked very quietly, matching Sirius’s volume.

“Peter.” Sirius repeated hoarsely, and then he turned and started walking back down the hall. 

Remus looked at him, confusion and terror still bubbling up in him, “Oi! Sirius!” He yelled after him, “How’d Harry get the mark?” Sirius kept walking. “Sirius! What’s going on?!” Remus bellowed down the hall. He heard the crack of apparition, and then silence.

Remus looked down at the small alien in his arms, who had awoken after all the yelling and was looking up at him through Lily’s eyes.


	2. Suffolk Street

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus gets a message

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two! :)  
> Content warning: Mentions of dead bodies and violence (nothing very explicit or descriptive), explicit mention of burned bodies. _Please be kind to yourself_
> 
> As always, please leave questions, comments or suggestions below, they are _always_ welcome.

Remus was not cut out for babysitting

1\. Sirius had left him alone with Harry.  
2\. Mary was crying, and something was wrong.  
3\. The something had to do with Peter, or was because of Peter, or was Peter. Peter was involved somehow.  
4\. Harry had a lightning bolt shaped scar on his forehead that reeked of dark magic.  
5\. Where were Lily and James?

Remus repeated this five item list over and over again for two hours. He sat in the armchair facing the couch where the bundle of blankets containing his best friends’ child lay. He thought of floo-ing back to the Potters’, but as much as it killed him to wallow in curiosity, he knew that whatever had gone wrong, he wanted Sirius here when he found out. 

For a brief moment Remus thought of Lily and James, and perhaps they had been harmed. But this was a fleeting notion, Sirius was okay and he was the only one who knew where they were hiding. Dumbledore had explained that being the ‘secret keeper’ would make Sirius a target, but Sirius, stubborn bastard that he is, insisted that everything would be fine.

Then, in a flash of betrayal that left Remus feeling extremely guilty he thought, _What if Sirius shopped them to Voldemort? What if he gave in to his family?_ However this notion was gone as soon as it appeared when Remus reminded himself that what Voldemort was after was the swaddled infant seated across from him. If Sirius had gone to the other side, he wouldn’t’ve delivered Harry to safety. Remus scolded himself for ever considering that Sirius, sweet Sirius who had spent every moment of his existence fighting against his family, had betrayed them. How could any of his friends betray the Order? They were _family_. 

It was the pain of waiting for every excruciating second of those one hundred and twenty minutes that allowed Remus’s mind to wander onto such horrible notions. Remus continued to mentally reprimand himself for ever thinking about Sirius betraying his friends, and for the second time that night there was a loud **BANG** and a great silver Patronus appeared in the kitchen.

**SUFFOLK STREET, LONDON. NOW.**

Dumbledore’s phoenix dissolved into light, and the air stood still for a second. Frozen in his chair, Remus’s mind raced. Suffolk street, barely six blocks away. Suddenly, as though shocked by electricity, Remus sprang from his seat, seized his wand from the coffee table and left. The door slammed behind him and almost immediately crying broke out, from inside the flat.

“Fuck! fuck. _fuck_.” Remus murmured as he opened the door again and looked at the bundle, still laying on the couch, crying loudly. _I can’t leave him here…_ Remus thought desperately. He looked around and seized Sirius’s leather jacket that hung on the coat rack. It was a little too large on him which was perfect for what he needed it for. Remus gently scooped up Harry and placed him inside the jacket, holding the infant secure to his chest with one arm. Now, he bolted out of the flat, using his wand to lock it. Remus paced to the end of the hall, looked around carefully and disapparated. 

He reapparated in an alley one block down from Suffolk street and the first thing his senses were aware of was the fireworks, and then the strange sound of multiple people apparating in quick succession. The strange popping of the magical travel and the colorful lights reminded Remus of discordant music. Remus craned his head around, the whole block was seeped in the scent of magic. Remus started walking towards the noise when Harry made a little hiccup noise and then the baby proceeded to throw up inside the jacket. Remus groaned and tried to brush the majority of the sick off of the jacket and his shirt, but with little success. He hadn’t thought of how side along apparition might affect a one year old. He elected to ignore it and started to look for Suffolk street.

It wasn’t hard to find. The rubble had exploded across the intersection and onto Haymarket street. The scent of magic was even stronger now, as were multiple other overwhelming scents, including what Remus recognized to be charred flesh. Several very important looking ministry men in midnight blue robes with badges were talking to muggles and surreptitiously casting obliviating spells. All around people were crying, yelling or stumbling away from the scene, looking freshly obliviated. Remus caught sight of Dumbledore, an annoyingly placid look on his face as always, talking to what looked like the Minister of Magic, Millicent Bagnold. Remus scanned the rubble and to his horror no less than a dozen bodies were being levitated out on stretchers. 

Remus stood transfixed, taking in the chaos, before he remembered that it was Dumbledore who called him there. Remus picked his way over chunks of asphalt and concrete, keeping a consciously secure hold of Harry. He approached Dumbledore, and awkwardly stood a few feet away from the Headmaster and Minister, waiting for his turn to talk and trying not to look like he was eavesdropping.

Remus was subconsciously watching the procession of stretchers floating out of the pit in the road when he saw curly black hair poking out from under one of the blanket covered stretchers. His vision tunneled, it couldn’t be, _this_ couldn’t be the reason Dumbledore called him here. He let out a strangled cry, which seemed to get Dumbledore’s attention. Remus made to scramble over the rubble towards the very much Sirius-looking corpse when he found himself held back by an old but very firm grip. 

“Remus.” A familiar voice said from very far away. “Remus, it isn’t him. It’s okay.” And the world rushed back into its proper volume.

“B-but why? Y-you...” Remus had to struggle to form sentences. The flood of adrenaline was still coursing through his body, making him shake a little bit. 

“I called you here Remus, to collect Sirius. He attempted to kill Peter Pettigrew tonight and I need to make sure he stays in a secure place until everything is sorted.” Dumbledore said calmly as though he was commenting on the weather.

Remus blinked and tore his eyes away from the not-Sirius corpse, and began to process Dumbledore’s words. “He-he tried to what?” Remus stuttered. Was that why Sirius had been saying Peter over and over again in the hall? What could possibly send Sirius into a murderous rage directed at _Peter?_

Remus met Dumbledore’s eyes, and suddenly it all clicked into place. The one thing that Remus thought was impossible had happened, the unthinkable suddenly flooded his mind.

Peter. 

Wormtail. His friend…

Dumbledore’s words from months ago echoed in his mind, _“There is a spy in the order.”_ How was that even possible? 

James and Lily. The best of them. The only ones who had any reason to make it out of this war alive, they were…

And Remus suddenly became very aware of the twenty pound bundle wrapped securely in his jacket. 

Harry.

Dumbledore was talking, in the same placid tone he always used, as though emotion could be removed from any situation and everything would still make sense. Though Remus was thoroughly ignoring Dumbledore, his words started to break through, “and then there is the matter of transporting Harry to Surrey. I don’t suppose Sirius still has that ingenious flying motorbike?” 

Remus stared at him, “Surrey?” he tightened his arm around Harry, “Why would we need to take Harry to Surrey?”

“We will give him to his aunt and uncle.” Dumbledore replied as though this was common sense. 

James didn’t have any siblings Remus thought, so that left Lily’s muggle sister. Remus remembered the last years of Hogwarts when Petunia’s letters started to come less frequently and make Lily cry more often.

No. 

The last vestige of Lily and James Potter would not be handed to some muggles who detested everything and anything to do with wizards. Remus would not lose the only remaining piece of his best friends.

“No.” Remus croaked. 

Dumbledore smiled and folded his hands together, “Remus, I know you’re distraught bu-”

Remus cut across him, “Sirius is Harry’s godfather. Lily would rather-” Remus was about to say Lily would rather die than let Harry live with Petunia. He stopped himself, trying to quell his anger towards the old man, “He’s going to live with us. Sirius is his rightful guardian. That's the end of it.” Remus looked at Dumbledore defiantly, as if daring him to differ. After Dumbledore said nothing, Remus continued, “I assume it's over, the war I mean.” 

Dumbledore inclined his head slowly, Remus drew in a breath, he was trying very hard to think clearly and quickly because he knew that if he let himself collapse, people would swoop in and take things from him. He would not allow that to happen. “Good,” Remus muttered, “Then we’ll go to Order headquarters. The Potter’s. It’s safe there, nearly four dozen protective charms.” Remus reasoned.

Dumbledore opened his mouth and suddenly Remus realized the old fool could do nothing about it. “Harry is the rightful owner of that house now that-” again, the words stuck in his throat, “And since Sirius is his guardian, we have more of a right and a _need_ for that house than the Order does.” Remus finished. 

Dumbledore looked at him cautiously, and whether or not Remus was making it up, he thought he saw a flicker of annoyance cross the old man’s face. “Very well.” he paused, and then added, “Sirius is speaking with Aurors at the moment, you may collect him.” Dumbledore gestured behind him, across the street.

Remus gave one last fleeting glance at his old Headmaster, and, adjusting Harry in the jacket, started to walk across the street towards Sirius.


	3. I Can't Trace Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remus, Sirius and Harry set out to the countryside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for the support! Here's chapter three :)  
> Its a little short, but the next chapter will be long, I promise.  
> Questions, comments and suggestions are always welcome and well received, please leave them if you have any :)  
> 
> 
> Content warning: Descriptions of dead bodies, survivors guilt and lots of grief. _Please be kind to yourself_

The fireworks continued going off all over the place, and owls were swooping down from the night sky. It all felt designed to make him feel worse. His family had imploded, and the world was celebrating the end of the war. He rushed towards Sirius, who had been wrapped in some kind of blanket and looked shell shocked. 

As Remus got closer, he started to recognize the Auror who was questioning Sirius, he had grizzled hair and stood in a wide-legged position. A leather strap circled around his head, holding in place what Remus knew to be an electric blue eye. Sirius looked up and made eye contact with Remus, his sunken eyes brimming with pain. His beautiful blue eyes were so clouded over and dull with pain and betrayal that it made Remus’s heart ache.

Moody turned around to face Remus and greeted him with a small head nod, “Lupin. Sorry to see you under these circumstances.” Remus nodded wordlessly. Moody’s blue eye caught on the protuberance off of Remus’s chest, “So that’s the little blighter, is it? I heard it left a scar, may I?” Moody gestured his hand to Harry, and though his intentions were merely fueled curiosity, Remus felt a surge of protectiveness, perhaps left over from his tiff with Dumbledore. 

“No, Sirius and I are going to headquarters now.” Remus looked cautiously at Moody, “He is free to go isn’t he?” he asked.

Moody gave a nod, “Yes, we’ve questioned Dumbledore, and given Pettigrew veritaserum. Seems the Potters changed their secret keeper at the last moment in an attempt to pull off a bluff. Poor fellows.” Moody sighed. 

Sirius made a small choking noise that sounded somewhere between a sob and a scream. He was staring at a group of six Aurors who stood encircling a short man who wore a tweed waistcoat and had a round plump face. Remus suddenly felt a rush of anger, he would like nothing more than to stride over there and strangle Pettigrew with his own bare hands. The only thing that held him back was Harry, still secure against his chest, oblivious to all around him.

“Black. I promise you that the dementors have something better in mind for him than you can do.” Moody said gruffly, placing a hand on Sirius’s shoulders. Sirius’s eyes filled with tears, “But,” he choked out, “Lily and James.” 

“I know, I know.” Moody said, in possibly the most consoling voice Remus had ever heard him use. “You better be going.” Remus nodded and Moody handed him a soft paper parcel, “Dumbledore borrowed this from the Potters, I reckon it’s little Harry’s now. The headquarters should be empty now, so it’s all yours. Good luck.”

Remus took the package and nodded, still silent. He handed the parcel to Sirius and wrapped his arm around the still shaking man. 

Remus felt that he needed to speak, to say something, but any words of consolation failed to appear. They both walked the six blocks back to the apartment. They stood outside of the building in silence until Sirius broke it, “I’m sorry.”

Of all the things Remus guessed Sirius would say, this was the least likely. “Sorry?” Remus replied. 

Again, the cloudy eyes brimmed with tears, “I thought it was you.” Sirius whispered, “I’m so, so sorry.”

Remus felt a tingling sensation of sadness, starting from his toes up to the crown of his head. Of course Sirius thought he was the spy, if Remus was in the same place, he would’ve suspected himself. But the apology still hit him like a brick wall. 

“It’s-it’s okay.” He swallowed hard and turned to face Sirius, “We have us. And Harry.”

Sirius sniffled, “Yes. Harry.” They both looked down at the peacefully sleeping babe. “Did he throw up in my jacket?” Sirius asked, smiling slightly. 

Remus smiled too, “I apparated with him, didn’t think it’d make him sick.” Suddenly, Remus felt sick himself, he was joking about Harry throwing up when his friends were dead, how horrible could he be? How selfish? Remus looked up at Sirius and he seemed to be thinking the same thing.

“Let’s go.” Sirius said, curtly. They walked to the garage and soon they were in the air, flying over London. They broke the cloud cover and flew into the cold clear air. The fireworks burst below the clouds, making them different colors, reminding Remus of the watergate salad pudding he used to enjoy at Hogwarts. For the second time that night, he felt sick from memories. He buried his face in Sirius’s back, feeling strangely secure, a thousand feet in the air. While the world celebrated the end of the war that had cost them everything, Sirius and Remus flew to the countryside, carrying some of the most precious cargo that existed at that moment. 

~~~

When they touched down in the countryside of Devon, it was nearly two in the morning. The grass squelched as the giant tires of Sirius's bike touched ground. The air was crisp and still, and floating all around them were fireflies, moving and undulating to the beat of crickets' chirps. The beautiful scene made Remus even sadder as he watched Sirius's face, illuminated by the yellow glow, hallow and defeated. He wrenched his eyes away from his lover's face, muttered the incantation and the giant Potter manor materialized in front of them. The two twenty-year-olds stood before the mansion, and then, together they made a slow, stiff legged procession to the front door. Sirius opened it and stepped inside, turning to make way for Remus, who had removed Harry from the jacket and was holding him awkwardly. 

The house was empty, but showed signs of people who either were very messy or left in a hurry. There were dishes sitting on the dining room table, some with food still on them, and the faucet in the sink was dripping slightly. Remus took off the jacket and his sweater, covered in drying sick, and performed a cleaning spell.

He stood in the foyer for a minute, remembering the Order meetings, the hushed tones riddled with fear and secrecy. He turned his head and looked into the living room. It was dark and cold, but Remus remembered a time when he was barely thirteen, enjoying his first memorable christmas with James, and Sirius and the other one. The memories filled him with a warmth that quickly cooled and solidified into an iron fist around his heart. With another pang, he remembered Euphemia’s cooking and Fleamont’s poetry readings, parents to anyone in need. They were all gone now, except Sirius, but Remus wasn’t sure how _here_ Sirius was now. 

Sirius returned from down the hall with a cotton blanket for Harry. Remus left Sirius to fix Harry’s swaddling, and he ventured upstairs and laid down on the bed in the guest room that he had lived in so many years before.

Again he remembered when the world seemed bright, when the one thing that seemed constant with the world was that the Potters, whether it was Euphemia and Fleamont or James and Lily would always be there to take in strays. Now it was just him and Sirius, alone in the large house, with the most important baby in the world. 

Remus did not know how long he lay there on the bed in his clothes. He still smelled of burned asphalt and magic, but his body felt ten times heavier than normal, and getting up to clean or even change his clothes seemed impossible. Sirius entered the room holding the freshly swaddled Harry close to his chest, he walked lightly, and he too seemed weighed down by the events of the day. Sirius laid down beside Remus, placing Harry in between them. Harry seemed to be slipping into sleep again, his glassy green orbs that stood out so prominently against his warm umber skin were half mast. Remus shifted his eyes from Harry to Sirius, and everything in him was screaming to reach out to him and utter words of comfort. Remus knew there was so much to discuss, but everything was too raw, too fresh. He didn't trust himself to be rational.

Then, Sirius spoke, for the first time in three hours, his voice was no longer hoarse, but it was trembling. “I saw them, Moony. They were just laying there. James was in the hall and his eyes-” Sirius’s watery sentence was cut off with a sob, and Remus felt tears pricking his eyes, and sliding down his face. 

“Lily was right next to his crib. Her hair was j-just spread out, like, like, she’d been electrified.” Sirius was crying hard now, “And he was sitting there looking at her, great bloody mark on his forehead, bleeding all over the place.” Sirius choked, "He was just _looking_ at her, Remus, like he was expecting her to get up. He kept saying 'Mama', I couldn't-"

Remus screwed up his eyes trying to force his mind to picture anything but his dearest friend’s dead bodies. Sirius mumbled a little more, but it was hardly intelligible over the crying. 

They both lay on the bed, shaking with sobs until sleep overcame them, and Remus dreamt of James and Lily, laying before him, their eyes staring wide but seeing nothing.


	4. 1987

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nearly six years later...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all! Almost six years later, we pick up the story.  
> If you were excited about baby Harry and toddler Harry, don't fret: there will be flashbacks and memories. Seven year old Harry is really fun to write.  
> I'd like to dedicate this chapter to my amazing friend, J, who helped me edit this chapter and brainstormed plot building. You rock dude.
> 
> Content warning: Flashback to a funeral, description of dealing with grief and avoidance of grief. (If you're feeling emotionally vulnerable right now, maybe skip the flashback (the paragraphs in italics), as it's sad stuff surrounding James' and Lily's deaths. **Brief mention of alcoholism towards the end.**  
>  _Please be kind to yourself_
> 
> As always, questions, comments and suggestions are welcome and wanted.

_Nearly six years later…_

Harry was ruining his brand new muggle jeans. They had cost twelve pounds and Remus had made a special trip to the small village of Ottery St. Catchpole, about fifteen minutes west of their house. However, Harry was happy, and that was what mattered. 

Remus gazed fondly through the window at the two boys, bent over in the backyard garden, swinging garden gnomes above their heads and flinging them over the knoll. Remus took a moment to enjoy the contrasting colors between Harry’s dark hair and skin with Ron’s red hair and pale complexion.

Ron Weasley had been a blessing to Remus and Sirius, because despite Sirius’s fullest efforts, Harry was timid and unassuming. Sirius blamed Remus, of course, _“He’s broken! You two spend too much time reading books now he’s flat as a page!”_ he had cried when Harry declined the invitation from some wizarding boys across the hill to go sledding, in favor of a book. 

Ron Weasley liked dirt. He liked flinging garden gnomes over the hill. He liked racing, and wrestling and doing general seven-year-old boy things. Sirius approved. Remus thought there was nothing wrong with Harry, he was a polite young man and was impressively intelligent. Remus supposed Sirius, perhaps unconsciously, was looking for glimmers of James in Harry, and he was not disappointed. However sweet and docile Harry seemed, his capacity for mischief would have made James proud and McGonagall shudder.

Remus was amusing himself by remembering the various pranks the Marauders had pulled that consequently landed them in hot water with McGonagall when he remembered he had promised Sirius that he would extend an invitation to her and Pomfrey for dinner. He found a piece of paper and quickly scribbled, 

_Dear Prof. McGonagall_

(the habit of calling her Professor had not left him in the nearly ten years that he had been away from Hogwarts) 

_Sirius and I hope you and Poppy are well! We’d like to extend an invitation to dinner, sometime next week, Wednesday at 6? We could cook some vegetables from the garden and have an early celebration for Harry’s birthday.  
Please owl me at your soonest convenience,  
Yours,  
Remus Lupin. _

He enveloped the letter and walked into the sitting room where Athena was perching in her usual window spot. When he called her down, she ruffled her feathers in annoyance and willingly parted with her spot in the sun. 

He secured the letter and told her, “To Minerva’s, and then come back, unless you fancy a hunt, then by all means…” Remus smiled at the bird as she blinked intelligently and took off through the window. Remus ambled back over to his kitchen table spot by the window.

Remus enjoyed the summer in the countryside, it reminded him of springs he spent at Hogwarts, or particularly hot Septembers. The grass was green and it rippled from the light breeze, which made it look like an emerald sea. The back screen door slammed, Harry and Ron bolted around the corner and Remus jumped from his chair and stood in front of them. Both of their eyes traveled up to his face, and Harry gave a cheeky smile, 

“Hi Dad.” He said, innocently.

“Hi Harry’s dad!” Ron interjected 

Remus smiled and replied, “Hi, Harry, Hi Ron. Are we forgetting something?” He looked pointedly at their mud covered trainers, with which they had tracked dirt all over the rug.  
“Sorry,” Harry apologized, looking abashed, he nudged Ron and they both began to untie their shoes.

“It’s completely forgiven, just remember to take time to pause and think.” Remus said, “But I know that can be hard when one is with one’s friends. Evanesco.” he flicked his wand and the carpet returned to its regular pristine state. Remus thought of how his eighteen-year-old self, so full of angst and misunderstanding, would react to his recent mastery of household spells. 

Harry and Ron staggered into the kitchen, in their socks, and Harry started edging around the countertop, “Snacks?” he asked, looking up with the carefully curated puppy dog eyes that Sirius had taught him.

“Yes,” Remus responded, “There’s carrots in the fridge and sandwiches by the sink.” He sat back down on his chair and picked back up his book. 

“When’s Sirius coming home?” Harry asked, taking a large bite of the sandwich, and settling down on the kitchen floor, cross legged. Ron mirrored him and started gnawing on a carrot.

“ _Dad,_ ” Remus said, “is going to be back in an hour. You can walk Ron home if you want.” Harry was going through a significantly interesting and somewhat annoying phase of calling Remus and Sirius by their first names, just to get a reaction out of them. After Sirius going apoplectic several times, Remus instituted a policy to just simply correct him and then move on. He noticed that if negative behavior was given no attention, it tended to stop. 

Ron swallowed a large mouthful of carrot and asked Harry, “When’s your birthday?” he turned his head sideways like a curious dog.

“Uh…” Harry responded, looking at Remus for help. 

“July 31st,” Remus supplied.

“Oh! That’s soon I think!” Ron said enthusiastically. 

“Yes, it’s two weeks away.” Remus smiled kindly, remembering the night of Harry’s birth with some bittersweet happiness.

“Dad, can I have a party? We can have Ron’s brothers and sisters over and ice cream!” Harry asked, his eyes shining. 

Remus was struck, as he often was as Harry grew older, of how alike to his mother he seemed. “Yes, of course we can have a party. We can even invite Tai!” Harry squealed with delight, Tai was his part-time babysitter and Remus’s employee at his bookstore.

Remus addressed Ron, “It’s Fred and Cedrella that have peanut butter allergies right?” Ron shrugged his shoulders. “Of course, you’re seven. I’ll just ask Molly.” Remus looked at the two boys, “Once you’re done with those, Harry you can walk Ron home.” 

Both nodded and stood to gather their shoes and bags. “Be safe!” Remus shouted after them as they sprinted out the door and towards Burrow, just visible in the distance. Remus watched them go from behind the window, and he was struck with a memory.

_**Nov. 8th, 1981** _

_They had just come home from the joint funerals and wakes. Remus was exhausted with grief. The words “I’m so sorry for your loss” rang in his ears, reverberating off the walls of his brain until they meant nothing anymore. Harry had been a perfect angel the entire time, slept through most of it, and when he woke Sirius had whisked him away to a side room to avoid people poking and asking questions._

_  
The whole solemn affair had really solidified Remus’s loss. Throughout the tearful eulogy given by Mary Macdonald, Remus played the day after James had gotten a fairly serious Quidditch injury. The Marauders had stood anxiously around his hospital bed, when James woke, he sat up, grinned around their ashen faces, and then said sunnily, “Gosh, who died?” and then grinned that impish grin as they all burst into laughter._

_Lily’s memories were so much more intense; Remus scooping her off the ground when she had told him she was pregnant. Lily running to the store for bandages after the full moon and insisting that she stay and supervise his healing. She had given him chocolate after his first panic attack, a tool he used to this day. Lily had been a glowing presence in his life, and to have her, even for a few years, be so integrated into the Marauders she could’ve had her own nickname, was a gift._

_It was too good to last. That was the phrase Remus kept repeating. Anything pure in his life fell apart, even Sirius was coming loose at the seams: suppressing his grief in order to take full responsibility of Harry. Two days after Halloween Remus had told Sirius that he couldn’t keep Harry, that Harry was put in too much risk by living with a werewolf. Remus argued tooth and nail about how he and Sirius would be terrible parents and Harry would grow up with issues. Sirius had just stared at him and told him that Harry wasn’t going anywhere. But since then Sirius had completely shut Remus out of parenting, taking on everything himself, and they had barely spoken since that night._

_After the funeral ended they had gone home, and Remus had approached Sirius in the living room, sometime around 1am, because neither of them felt like sleeping._

_“Harry started saying leaf today, when I was in the yard with him.” Remus had said cautiously as he approached Sirius sitting on an armchair, staring into the fire._

_“He said that just yesterday.” Sirius had retorted. He clearly wasn’t open to any kind of glossing over of the situation._

_Remus sighed, “I’m sorry, Sirius, of course I want to keep Harry, I mean where else would we send him?” he pleaded._

_“So you’re only putting up with him because he has nowhere to go?” Sirius had shot at Remus. He was purposefully misunderstanding Remus’s words._

_“No,” Remus had said strongly, “I only meant this is the best place for him. I want to parent him Sirius, I truly do. You out of anyone knows that I don’t trust myself. Not fully.” Remus finished, he felt tears welling up underneath his eyelids._

_“You were such a prick about it…” Sirius mumbled, “He’s your best friend’s boy.”_

_Remus hung his head, “I love Harry. You know I do.”  
_

_“Yeah… I do.”_

Now, Remus wouldn’t’ve traded the past five years for all the years in the world.

Harry and Ron’s black and red heads were still bobbing across the field, just tiny little balls now. Remus thanked his lucky stars that Sirius had been as stubborn as he is. _If I didn’t have him,_ he thought, _I’d probably be holed up somewhere drinking myself to the ends of the earth._

_We make fine parents._ He told his past self, smugly.

A roar of a motorcycle engine told Remus that Sirius was home.


	5. House of Cheesecake and Pomegranates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More happy Remus & Sirius stuff.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Long chapter! I felt like y'all deserved some happy Remus & Sirius after that last chapter, so enjoy!
> 
> No content warnings on this, yay!
> 
> Thanks once more to my incredible friend J who helped me brainstorm.
> 
> Comment, questions, requests or suggestions are, as always, welcome and wanted :)

“I got it you maniac!” Sirius shouted as the motorcycle alighted and he dismounted, waving his arm above his head, clutching a book.

Remus burst out of the house and strode across the front lawn towards Sirius. He looked handsome as ever, Remus thought, his hair a little frizzy from the ride, his cheeks were pink and his eyes flashed with mad excitement. 

“You found it?” Remus said with astonishment.

Sirius’s eyes twinkled, “First edition.” He waved it in front of Remus’s face. “Had to fly to bloody London.” He smiled, “But I got it.” 

Remus’s face was frozen in a look of astonishment, “You got it.” he repeated. He walked very quickly forward and kissed Sirius long and hard.

When he pulled away, Sirius smiled lopsidedly, “Well if I knew you were going to do _that_ I’d bring home ultra rare Oscar Wilde books every week.” 

Remus gave him a withering look and seized the book from his hand. He examined it, and there it was,

****

**“A House of Pomegranates”  
1891**

This was one of fifty copies that were made in the first printing. Remus flipped the page to check the index, and there was the small, messy signature of Oscar Wilde. Remus raised his eyes and looked adoringly at Sirius, who was grinning broader than the Cheshire cat.

“It’s signed.” Remus whispered. 

“It is at that.” Sirius whispered back.

“That’s it,” Remus said, closing the book, “I’m making cheesecake.” He started walking back to the house. 

“Look at this! My very _domestic wife_ making me a cheesecake for bringing him a book!” Sirius teased, following Remus inside.

Remus stuck his tongue out at him, but started shuffling through the cabinets for spring pans and graham crackers. “How was the shop today?” Remus said from his crouching position by the cupboards. 

“Oh you know,” Sirius replied lazily, “People get tattoos, and people buy books. Business booms. Speaking of business, where's Harry?”

Remus shot him a mock annoyed look, “I told him to walk Ron home.” 

“I wouldn’t be surprised if Molly kept him and tried to feed him. She’s always saying he’s ‘peaky’ and that we don’t feed him enough.” Sirius sighed.

Remus raised an eyebrow at him, “She does not say that.” 

“Does to,” Sirius retorted, “Says it all the time.”

“If you say so,” Remus responded, doubtfully, “So the shop was good. How was Tai?” 

Sirius grabbed an apple from the basket of fruit, “They’re the perfect employee. Still an amazing artist and can ring up books faster than I can.”

Remus emerged, successful, clutching a spring pan in one hand and a box of grahams in the other, “That reminds me, Harry asked for a birthday party and I promised we’d invite Tai. I also sent out that dinner invite to Minerva and Poppy.” Remus opened the refrigerator and searched for cream cheese. 

“Oh I can’t wait to see Minnie. We haven’t had them over since…”

“Last Christmas” Remus supplied. 

“I know they’re married and all, but do you think she’d reject my proposal _this_ time? It’s what? My ninetieth try?” Sirius slipped behind the counter and started melting the butter. He often did that when Remus was doing a task: slip in without being asked and do little things to help the project along.

“You’d think you would learn to handle rejection.” Remus smirked. “Watch that butter,” he pointed out, “it’ll burn.” 

Sirius rolled his eyes, “Okay I will, I got it covered in here for the moment,” he picked up the Wilde book and handed it to Remus, “why don’t you go figure out where you’ll shelve your new book.”

Remus raised an eyebrow at him, “Alright, I’ll go to the book room, but I’ll be right back. Remember to crush the crackers with a-” 

“Rolling pin.” Sirius interrupted, “Yes I know, you control freak.” He shooed Remus with his hands, “Shoo! Go obsess over book placement.”

Remus kissed him, “It’s going right next to the Pratchett.” 

Sirius smiled, “Wow, special.”

Remus walked out of the kitchen and he shouted behind him, “And I’m making you and Harry sit through a reading of it tonight after dinner!” 

Sirius groaned. “Lovely.” Remus heard him mutter, and then, “Oh shit the butter!” It took every ounce of Remus’s self control not to double back.

~~~ 

Remus loved the library. Except he and Sirius had both agreed to call it the “book room” because having a library in your house was a rich person thing. The whole thing was the size of the living room, and smelled of old pages and lavender. The Grecian inspired shelves sported white paint with golden edges, and Egyptian hieroglyphics. On the ceiling several Greek gods were painted posing with various books. The two large windows that stood six or seven feet tall flooded the room with golden light. Remus felt safe here, it reminded him of the Hogwarts library.

Because of the sudden death of both sets of Potters, everything had been exactly as Fleamont had left it when Remus and Sirius moved in. Since then, all Remus had changed was adding some books and moving some furniture. In the corner of the room stood a rather large wooden desk with brass furnishings. The top was covered in various gadgets: silver rings, a long-ago-broken Sneakoscope, a gold plated box (which contained the two-way mirrors that had once belonged to James and Sirius), various books and paper, ink bottles and quills. 

Remus glanced at the desk and then turned his attention to the bookshelves. He found his Terry Pratchett section, and directly next to it, his Oscar Wilde section. Remus disliked alphabetizing his books, it didn’t make sense to him. His library was organized exactly how he liked it, his poetry next to biographies, and fiction next to horror and Oscar Wilde next to Terry Pratchett, it just made sense to him. After carefully shelving the old book, Remus turned and eyed the desk.

Remus leaned over it and opened the largest drawer. At the bottom sat a very carefully wrapped soft package. Remus set it on the top of the desk and carefully pulled off the spellotape. James’s old invisibility cloak slithered out of the package and onto Remus’s lap. He touched the cloak with some trepidation, and for the second time that day, his memories overwhelmed him. 

_March 23rd, 1972_

_“James, we need to coordinate better under here” Sirius said, annoyed, “Pettigrew’s trod on my robes three times, you’ve elbowed me twice, and Remus… Actually Remus has been perfect, he’s better at coordination than you two.”_

_James looked appalled, “This was your idea Black, and need you forget who actually owns the cloak you’re complaining under?”_

_Sirius sighed, “Alright. All I’m saying is maybe walk with a little less… bravado.”_

_James scoffed, “Me? Bravado?”_

_Sirius raised an eyebrow._

_“I don’t think we should be having this whole conversation right in the middle of the Entrance Hall, what if Filch comes by?” Remus said, urgently._

_“You’re probably right, let’s get a move on.” Sirius grumbled, “But if Pettigrew steps on my robes one more time, I’m pushing him out from under the cloak.”_

_They all clumsily made their way to the Entrance Hall door to the grounds. Once outside, they made a slow procession towards the greenhouses. Remus pushed open the door to Greenhouse One, which was to be their classroom for tomorrow’s herbology lesson._

_“Have you got the list?” James whispered to Sirius._

_“Course I do. Here.” He handed him a scrap of parchment, on it was several lines of writing._

_“Good luck.” Remus told James and Sirius as they stepped inside the greenhouse. James saluted him, and closed the door behind them._

_It took James and Sirius about twenty minutes to finish the job while Peter and Remus stood guard outside. Sirius and James stepped out of the greenhouse, twin grins on their faces._

_“Lets go.” James said, ducking under the cloak again._

_The next morning in herbology Professor Sprout gave a safety speech about the dangers of being exposed to mandrake screams. She passed around earmuffs to all the second year Gryffindors and Hufflepuffs. Once everyone had their earmuffs securely in place, they grasped the mandrake at the bottom of the stem, and pulled._

_For a second, nothing happened. The mandrakes didn’t burst out screaming as they were meant to, but instead their faces stayed shrivelled up and silent. Professor Sprout removed her earmuffs, and the students mimicked her._

_“Well this is interesting, they were just working for my class yesterday,” Sprout said gruffly, “They couldn’t have unripened.” Everyone was silent, watching Sprout, when she said, “Miss McKinnon, would you run down to Hagrid’s hut and ask him to bring up a fresh crop of mandrakes? These seem to be unripe, make sure to tell him-”_

_But Marlene never found out what to tell him because Professor Sprout had been cut off by the thirty or so mandrakes who had finally opened their mouths. But instead of screaming, a steady stream of some of the foulest curse words was pouring out of their mouths. Some students tried to shove their mandrakes back in their pots, but the stubborn plant cursed through the dirt, only slightly muffled._

_Sprout was frozen with shock for .2 seconds, and then, slightly pink around the cheeks, she shoved her plant back into the pot and started to usher the students outside. Once they were all outside, Sprout cast a silencing charm over the greenhouse and instructed Marlene to fetch McGonagall to sort out the charm.  
_

_None of the Marauders were ever caught for that prank, and they had spent hours in the dorm laughing over it._

Remus pulled himself out of that memory, feeling strangely panicked with the realization that that particular prank had taken place no less than fourteen years ago, though the memory was still so fresh. Remus suddenly felt old, even at the young age of twenty-six.

He packaged up the cloak and placed it back in the desk drawer and took a deep breath. He left the room, closing the door sharply after him, and made his way back down the stairs and into the kitchen. 

“Set anything on fire yet?” Remus asked as he sat down on one of the barstools by the counter.

Sirius turned around, “Ah, you’ve returned, the cheesecakes in the oven. It seems though this cheesecake is your gift to me, I seem to be doing an awful lot of it’s baking myself.” Sirius said, smugly. 

“I wasn’t the one who shoo-ed me out of the kitchen to go ‘shelve my book.’” Remus shot back.

“ _Touche._ ” Sirius responded. 

They heard the back door open and close. Harry’s small, excited voice carried through the house, “Is Dad home?”

Sirius called back, “Yes, we’re in the kitchen!” 

Remus listened to the excited patter of Harry’s feet as they ran along the carpeted hallway.

“Padfoot!” Harry yelled, jumping into Sirius’s arms. Ever since they had told Harry about his dad and the Marauders’ nicknames, Harry had taken to calling them Padfoot and Moony on occasion. Sirius thought it was the best thing ever, but Remus wasn’t sure how he felt about it. 

“Alrighty, you ready for cheesecake for dessert tonight?” Sirius asked Harry, who consequently squealed with delight and asked to look in the oven.

“Did you say hi to everyone at the burrow?” Remus asked Harry. 

“Mhm!” Harry nodded, “Mrs.Weasley gave me a sandwich and told me that you don’t feed me enough.”

Sirius glanced over and gave Remus a wicked grin, _All the time,_ he mouthed. 

Remus laughed.


	6. If You Want To Be Touched, You Got To Let Somebody

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More living life :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter six! I'm attached to this one, so I hope you like it!  
> Shout out to my friend Rae, who 'needed' this :)
> 
>  **Content warnings** : There's discussion of James and Lily's deaths :( , mention of drug use (weed) and drug use (weed). Mention of cigarette addiction. Mention of child abuse, details of injuries by said abuse, and scars (Walburga). _Be kind to yourself_
> 
> This should become my catchphrase: Comments, suggestions or questions are always welcome and wanted!

“Shit!”

Remus set down his book and looked at Sirius, “What did he just say?” 

Sirius’s eyes brightened, “I believe our Harry just said his first curse word.”

Harry was in the other room, fussing with a puzzle that he’d been working on for weeks. Apparently he had finally snapped. Remus eyed Sirius, “Where the fuck did he learn that?”

Sirius raised an eyebrow at him and gestured with his mug, “I have no idea.” He said, sarcastically. 

“Okay, point taken.” Remus conceded, “But if Molly comes after me cause Ron has been saying ‘shit’, you’re taking the blame.”

Sirius looked appalled, “Me? You’re the one who spouts the dictionary of curse words every time you stub your toe.” 

“You do nothing to discourage me. Or him!” Remus argued back, knowing he was on the losing side.

“My bad, I didn’t realize I was raising _both_ of you.” Sirius retorted, smiling cheekily. 

“Well just as long as he doesn’t say anything at dinner tomorrow. Poppy’d probably take him home with her if she heard the mouth he has on him.” Remus sighed.

“The mouth you gave him, you mean.” Sirius added. 

“Oh piss off. I also taught him to read, it balances out.” Remus grabbed the last biscuit that Sirius had been reaching for, “I’m simply expanding his vocabulary.”

“Hey! That’s mine!” Sirius laughed, “Give it back.” 

“No.” Remus said, and he licked it.

“You know that won’t stop me.” Sirius said, getting up out of his chair to extend his reach for the cookie. 

Remus shoved the entire thing in his mouth and chewed happily, smiling at Sirius so that crumbs fell out of his mouth.

“Prick.” Sirius mumbled as he sat back down in the armchair. 

“You love it.” Remus responded. He paused and then said, “Do you think we should tell Harry not to say the s word around other people, outside the family I mean.”

Sirius gestured his hand, “Be my guest, but you know he’ll just ask question after question.” Sirius fluttered his eyelashes and did his very best impression of Harry, “But why can adults say some things that kids can’t? But what does it mean? Are there any other words I can’t say?” He laughed, “Give it up Moony, you raised him to be a very inquisitive boy.” 

Remus sighed, “I guess you’re right.”

“Always am.” Sirius said cheerily, sipping his cup of tea. “Speaking of, the Lovegoods RSVPed to Harry’s party. I don’t know why Harry wanted to invite them so badly… They’re strange.” 

Remus stood and started flipping through cookbooks, “Harry likes their son... Lyterses, I think... And they’re not strange. They’re no odder than we are.” He searched for a recipe for tomorrow that could incorporate everything they already had and was within Remus’s cooking skill set. “And how is that ‘speaking of’?”

Sirius stood and relocated to a kitchen stool, “I told you that they’re oddball-ish and they wouldn’t want to come to Harry’s party. You said they would, and you were right.” Sirius paused, “I’ll bet it was Pandora that convinced Xenophilius to come. _He’s_ the strange one.” 

“You have an obsession with “strange” people, Pads.” Remus said, “I remember Xenophilius from Hogwarts. I think he sold me weed once. He was part of that crowd of Hufflepuffs and Ravenclaws that used to hang around behind the greenhouses. Don’t remember Pandora though…” Remus puzzled.

“Don’t expect you to, she’s welsh. Probably went to one of those foreign schools.” Sirius replied. 

“How do you know so much about Pandora?” Remus asked. He circled the osobuco, it looked delicious and not too hard.

“Oh, my mother tried to set up an engagement between me and her when I was around eight. She was nice...” Sirius replied casually. 

“Oh yes of course. Well what ended it?” Remus responded.

“Oh my mother said they were ‘too soft’ towards Muggles. They didn’t prioritize blood purity as much as they should’ve.” Sirius paused, “My mad mother…” 

“Do you ever think that she might like to know that she’s got an adoptive grandson?” Remus asked cautiously, and he regretted it as soon as he said it.

Sirius let out a laugh like a bark, “Yes I’m sure she’d love to meet her half-blood grandson, who’s parented by her son and his gay werewolf lover. Not to mention Harry’s the only reason her _precious Dark Lord_ isn’t around anymore. So, no, I don’t think she’d like to know.” Sirius finished, shortly. 

Remus sighed, “I guess so… Sometimes I just think about how she’s the only family, really.”

“What are you talking about?” Sirius said, “We have Drommie and Ted! We have the Weasleys!” He smiled and winked. 

“Once again, Black, you are right.”

“As always” Sirius said and bit into an apple. 

Remus looked at Sirius, as he flipped through his motorcycle magazine and wondered if Sirius thought about his mother as much as Remus did. Remus remembered the first time he had truly met Walburga, in their fourth year when she had come to collect Sirius from the Potter’s house. She was a truly terrifying woman, though she had stood only two inches taller than Remus had when he was fourteen.

Remus had spent hours thinking of how many times Sirius had been silenced the way she had silenced him with her wand. Later, when Sirius had shown Remus the scars she had left on his legs and back, Remus had felt ill. His scars had always been a symbol of his survival, his condition. He would have never wished scars on anyone, especially the ones he loved. Yet Sirius’s scars came from the one person who was supposed to love you unconditionally, the person who was supposed to bandage your cuts, instead of inflict them. 

Harry’s scar was another matter entirely. It was a symbol of his fate, and Lily’s love. Dumbledore had explained that to Remus, that it was Lily’s love that had saved Harry, her dying wish to protect her son from harm. That is why, all those years ago, Dumbledore had attempted to keep the blood protection on Harry by giving him to his aunt. When Sirius wouldn’t hear of it, Dumbledore insisted on them living at the Potter’s for the remainder of Harry’s childhood, protected by more charms than Remus could count.

~~~ 

Later that night, after tucking Harry to bed, Sirius joined Remus on the couch. Their living room often reminded Remus of Gryffindor common room, with red and gold aspects everywhere, great cushy armchairs, a large sofa, and seven months out of twelve, a great roaring fire in the fireplace.

Sirius flopped down onto the couch and buried his head in Remus’s cable knit sweater. His hair fluffed up and tickled Remus’s chin, but he didn’t mind, it smelled of his flowery shampoo and the cold outside air and… 

“Did you just smoke a cigarette outside?” Remus accused.

A muffled laugh came from beneath the large quantity of black hair. “God, you smell everything.” Sirius said, half laughing. 

Remus stuck his nose in the air, “Well I’ve got one over you: haven’t had a cigarette in two years.”

Sirius buried his head in Remus’s midriff again, “Good for you.” There was an edge of sarcasm but Remus still hoped he hadn’t hurt his feelings. Sirius, deciding the subject was dropped, lifted his head again, “How long has it been since you had _special ciggies…_ ” Sirius waggled his eyebrows. 

“Sirius Black, did you buy weed off some poor teen in the village?” Remus asked quizzically.

“No…” Sirius responded, getting to his feet and strolling over to the mantelpiece, “I bought it off of Tai.” He said indignantly. Sirius pulled a small wooden box off the shelf and from inside he pulled a long white joint. 

Remus put down his book.

“Ooo, so you’re interested.” Sirius cocked his head. 

“Oh just bring it here will you?” Remus said, with mock annoyance.

Sirius rejoined Remus on the couch and lit the joint, inhaling softly. Remus would never get over how incredible it was to watch Sirius smoke, it felt like watching a moving statue, or painting. Sometimes Remus forgot how young they were, as if becoming adoptive parents at the ages of twenty had aged them more than six years. 

When Remus voiced this to Sirius, he took the joint that was handed to him and laughed, “It’s true. I do feel old.” He said, Remus looked at him with a little sadness,

“It had been ten years since our first kiss, last march.” Remus said, soberly. 

Sirius laughed again, “Jesus Moony you really know how to make someone feel old. You keep this up I’ll have to commission a portrait from some older gay painter.”

Remus chuckled. He had made Sirius read Portrait of Dorian Gray, and he hadn’t stopped referencing it since. “Time just went really quickly.” Remus conceded. He inhaled from the joint again, he relished the strangely spicy feeling of the smoke hitting the back of his throat. It had been four years since he had decided to quit smoking, and two years since he had his last cigarette. He had only been six years older than Harry was now when he started smoking, the thought of Harry smoking made him sick. 

“It’s hot.” Sirius said, he took off his sweater and flopped back down on the couch, in his tank.

“I feel fine.” Remus said, lazily. 

“Course you do,” Sirius responded, “Your body temperature runs cold in the summer. It’s like you’ve got a built in thermostat.” He pulled off his jeans and folded them neatly before placing them on the seat of an armchair. “‘Member at Hogwarts when you used to leave the windows open during the winter because you were so hot?”

Remus laughed, he had been banned from operating the windows by Prefects several times for leaving them open, and allowing the Gryffindor common room to become frigid. That reminded Remus of something he had wanted to ask Sirius. 

“Hey, what do you think of school?” Remus asked.

“Graduated. I’m done with it.” Sirius responded flippantly. 

Remus shook his head and set down the joint on the table, “No, I mean, school for Harry.”

“Well yeah of course he’ll go to Hogwarts when he’s eleven.” Sirius said, genuinely misunderstanding. 

“No I mean _primary school._ There’s one in the village, isn’t there? For magical kids?” Remus said.

“I suppose. I didn’t really give it much thought.” Sirius said, tossing his hair, “I never went to a primary school…” 

“That’s because you had a private tutor, you nob. It’d be good for him, he could learn maths and writing.” Remus reasoned, “I never learnt any of that, had to teach it to myself later on.” He raised an eyebrow at Sirius, “Whatcha think?”

“Well,” Sirius said slowly, “It’d be something to think about for sure…” 

“The semester starts in September, so we’d need to sign him up soon.” Remus replied.

“Let's ask Harry about it.” Sirius said, decidedly, “There’ll be magical children there, so we need to talk to him about how people will react to his scar. I mean,” Sirius blew out a puff of air, “He’s famous isn’t he?” 

There was some silence after this observation. It was so easy to forget that the rest of the magical world was privy to the information of Lily and James’ deaths, and Harry’s miraculous defeat of Voldemort. It was easy to forget that the small, skinny boy with large green eyes was a hero to most people, and a celebrity to all.

The weed was starting to kick in, and Remus felt his back muscles relaxing, and the pain in his hip soothing. The full moon was two days away, and though they came with little stress nowadays, he still had to deal with aches and pains days before. 

Again, Remus was grateful to the Weasleys, taking Harry every month so he wouldn’t have to bare witness to the aftermath of Remus’s transformations. Of course the few times Remus injured himself worse than a night of rest and some healing charms could mend, Harry might ask about it. The first time he asked when he was four, and Sirius had stepped in valiantly, and told Harry a glossy fairytale of how Dad gets sick once a month and goes away for the night, and how he, Sirius, went with him. Harry had accepted this story so far, but Remus knew one day they’d have to explain the full truth.

While Remus had been deep in thoughts, Sirius shifted his position laying on the couch, he was now laying on his belly, flipping through a magazine on the history of wizarding medicine, with his feet in Remus’s lap. It was the tattoos on the back on Sirius’s legs that had pulled Remus out of his thoughts. The largest scars left by his mothers wand had left long straight while lines, where the skin puckered and changed texture as it healed. 

A year after Lily and James’s deaths Sirius had gone to a tattoo parlour and asked the artist to draw over the scars. Sirius had gotten three sprigs of wolfsbane, two lily flowers on their stems and four sprigs of rosemary(the plant James had brought to Sirius’s bedside after his first Quidditch incident. The plant had since become their ‘serious situations’ plant, making its appearance at James’ parent’s funerals, James’ wedding, Remus’ hospital bedside after one particularly nasty full moon, and then James’ own funeral.).  
Remus traced his finger over the raised scars, softly. He felt Sirius jerk slightly but he kept his legs across Remus’s lap. Remus felt bad, suddenly, because he knew that Sirius was now thinking of James and Lily.

“Harry asked what Lily’s marauders nickname was yesterday.” Sirius said, softly. 

Remus raised his eyebrows, “And what did you say?” Remus thought of Sirius grasping for words to explain to the child and suddenly felt bad for leaving them alone. This guilt was irrational as he knew Sirius was just as capable if not more capable than Remus to explain hard things to Harry.

“I told him that we all called her Mrs. Prongs.” Sirius said, and though he looked sad, a hint of happiness tinged his voice. “And then he said he thought she deserved her own nickname.” Sirius chuckled. 

“I always said she was a Marauder through and through. It was _you,_ ” Remus waggled his finger at Sirius, “That got all jealous over Prongs and insisted that since she had joined so late, and missed out on so many pranks she simply didn’t ‘fit the criteria’, I believe your words were.” Remus laughed.

Sirius laughed too. He wiped a small tear of mirth that was trickling from the corner of his eye. There was a pause of silence after they finished laughing. 

“God I miss them sometimes.” Sirius said quietly.

“Yeah…” Remus responded, staring out into space. 

“I miss them all the time.” Sirius corrected himself.

Remus couldn’t bring himself to second that, though it was true. 

They sat in comfortable silence for a few minutes when Sirius clambered to his feet, “I’m off to bed… Join me?” he held out his hand and smiled a small smile.

Remus matched it, and watching a small twinkle appear in Sirius’s eyes, he responded, “Absolutely…” Remus took his hand and followed him up the stairs. 


	7. The Madam and Professor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> McGonagall & Pomfrey visit for dinner!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my gosh I almost went a day without posting a chapter! (gasp)  
> Here's chapter seven, you fiends ;)  
> Little shorter than normal...  
> No content warnings! Just a bunch of cute stuff. (Scary dream at the end but no specific gruesome stuff or anything)  
> Enjoy!

Remus pulled the dish out of the oven, the heat washing over him. He was reminded of the prefects bathroom, dozens of different taps, and water so hot that steam poured over the edges of the Olympic sized bathtub. The multicolored bubbles frothing and forming giant bubble banks so thick one might be able to sit on them.

Remus always thought of Hogwarts when they had McGonagall over. He was especially reminded of his nights gallivanting around the Forbidden Forest with the Marauders when he gazed into the kind face of Madam Pomfrey. He remembered some of the more brutal nights of transformation, before the marauders had joined him, and thought how he must’ve caused some of the lines on Poppy’s delicate, kind face. 

He remembered that once, after a particularly destructive full moon in his second year, Pomfrey stayed by his bedside all night, as he was her only patient. He had been laid up in bed for five days before she had allowed him to leave the hospital wing, telling him to _“Go gently”_ as she always did after full moons.

Sirius was in high spirits. He had made a large German chocolate cake (McGonagall’s favorite), and set the table with fine white linen. He had chosen Harry’s outfit for him, green corduroy pants, cinched with a brown belt and a long sleeved white shirt tucked into them. Sirius had bullied Remus, kindly, out of his usual sweater, so now he stood in the kitchen wearing a button up flannel and blue jeans. 

Sirius, impeccably dressed as always, strolled into the kitchen wearing a white cashmere sweater and tight black jeans.

“When’s your photoshoot with GQ scheduled for again?” Remus said, voice dripping with sarcasm. 

Sirius threw a crouton at the back of his head, “Oi! Just because I don’t dress like I’m a permanently depressed librarian, doesn’t mean I’m a supermodel.”

Remus scoffed. Of course he loved everything Sirius wore, _especially_ those jeans, but they always had fun teasing each other over style. While Remus tended to be a control freak over things like books and food, Sirius was the type to passive-aggressively lay out a chosen outfit for you before going anywhere in public. 

“It’s just gone seven, they’re usually very punctual.” Sirius noted. Remus gazed at the clock as well, it was indeed, five minutes past the hour.

“It’s just five minutes, they’re not that late.” Just as Remus finished this, a knocking came from the front door, “See?” Remus said as both he and Sirius made a lively procession to the front door. 

“Harry! They’re here!” Sirius shouted up the stairs. Harry’s feet pattered down the stairs and he came sliding into the foyer, just as Remus opened the door.

“Minerva!” Sirius lunged forward and hugged their old transfiguration teacher. “Poppy!” He hugged her too, leaving both women a little taken aback but pleased nonetheless. 

“Thanks for coming!” Remus said, pulling them into hugs of his own.

“It’s always our pleasure when it comes to you two. Star students.” Pomfrey said. 

“I don’t know if Minnie will second you on that one…” Sirius said, raising his eyebrows, “Sometimes I think the only reason we’re close is because of all the quality time we spent together after class.”

“You mean the multitudes of detentions you served, Sirius.” McGonagall responded, smoothly. 

Harry stared at Sirius, “Detentions?” He asked quietly.

McGonagall bent down and shook Harry’s little hand, “It’s good to see you, Harry.” 

Harry smiled, his eyes lighting up, “You wanna see my puzzle?”

McGonagall matched him with a smile that Remus didn’t think he’d ever seen her do. “I’d love to.” 

Remus beckoned the two women into the house, “How was the trip?” he asked politely.

“Short, easy.” McGonagall responded, “We would have walked but we ran short on time, so we apparated.” 

Remus brought them to the living room, in which Sirius had laid a rather fancy looking cheese and crackers plate, “I decided to make oso buco. I’ve never had it, I believe it’s spanish.”

“Oh I do love spanish food,” Pomfrey began, and launched into tales of when she was a young healer, traveling across the world in partnership with “Healers Without Borders”. 

Halfway through this story telling, McGonagall was dragged away by Harry, to observe his 10,000 piece jigsaw puzzle.

After dinner was finished, they sat around and ate the chocolate cake, which was punctuated with Sirius’s ninetieth and unsuccessful proposal to McGonagall. 

After the performance, Harry yawned, as it was nearly nine, and Pomfrey stood, “I almost forgot.” She walked over to the table and grabbed her purse. From the magically enlarged inside she pulled two large red and golden wrapped presents. “As we won’t be here for your birthday.” She added, handing them to Harry.

In the first box, which was from McGonagall, Harry unwrapped a gorgeous mahogany box, containing a small quidditch cup, which had been awarded to James Potter, 1978, for most games won, in the school record. 

“Has yet to be beat.” McGonagall added, “Maybe you’ll be the one to do it.” She smiled kindly.

“Course he will!” Sirius said, ruffling Harry’s hair. 

Harry thanked her politely and moved to Pomfrey’s present, a very large version of Hogwarts, A History, with beautiful full-color moving photographs of Hogwarts, and the grounds. Harry thanked her heavily, opened it and immediately disengaged from everyone around him, absorbed in the book.

“Beautiful presents, really.” Remus said, as they walked towards the foyer. 

“I’m so glad he enjoys them.” Pomfrey said, “He is so very quiet.” she added.

McGonagall nodded, “Hopefully that means Black hasn’t rubbed off on him yet.” 

Sirius laughed, “It’s just because you’re guests, he’s a right mischief maker when no ones looking.”

Remus nodded profusely, “The other week he found out that if he catches the portraits while they’re sleeping, he can draw mustaches on them. Had to put an imperturbable charm on all of the paintings.” 

“Well I’m very excited to have him at Hogwarts, raised by you two, and with Lily and James so clearly in him he’ll no doubt be a star student.” McGonagall said, sensibly.  
They stepped out into the front yard, said their goodbyes and then disapparated.

Remus and Sirius made their way back into the living room, where Harry was fast asleep, face pressed against the page depicting the Hogwarts quidditch pitch. 

“Kids got good taste.” Remus said quietly.

Sirius doubled over with laughter, and it took him a full minute to compose himself. 

Sirius carefully lifted up Harry’s sleeping body and they headed upstairs.

“He’s got chocolate cake on his face.” Sirius said, tucking him in. 

“A testament to your marvelous baking skills.” Remus responded, wiping off the chocolate with his thumb.

They walked downstairs and into the kitchen, Remus charmed the dishes to start washing themselves as he began to put away the food. 

“Alrighty!” Sirius had taken over the majority of party planning, despite Remus’s protestations that he could do it all himself. Apparently since he had broken his ankle on the full moon, though it mended overnight, he was unable to handle a guest list.

“The guest list for next week reads as follows: The Weasleys, The Lovegoods, The Diggorys, Drommie and Ted, I don’t know if Dora is coming, I’ll check, Mary and Marlene are coming, Tai’s coming and I invited the Abbotts, but they’re on vacation.” Sirius finished, he set the list down on the counter. 

“Sounds like a full house.” Remus noted, he walked around the counter and kissed Sirius, “Thank you for handling most of it… Even though I was perfectly capable.”

“Mhm,” Sirius said, sarcastically, “Sure. I’ll bet Molly’ll want to cook as well. Best give her the entire kitchen and then stay out of her way.” 

“We can enlarge the dining room table, put it out in the backyard for dinner…” Remus added, looking at the list of two dozen people.

“Sounds great.” Sirius responded. 

“I thought this would be a good birthday to give Harry my old glass chess set. He knows how to play, and I think it would be good for him to play on a muggle set.” Remus said.

“That sounds nice. I know how much you love that set. It was your mothers right?” Sirius said, distractedly. 

A small cold shiver went down Remus’s spine and suddenly his face felt prickly. “Yeah, it was my mums.” Remus responded, trying not to sound choked up.

~~~

That night Remus had dreams that he was being chased around a giant chessboard, by overlarge pieces, but every time he made it to the edge of the board, Greyback appeared in front of him, holding Harry, who had a large bite mark on his neck. 

Remus woke with a start, shivering slightly, as his sweat dried and cooled. He sat up, and bent his back, placing his elbows on his knees. Sirius rolled over next to him, and flopped his arm where Remus would’ve been if he was laying down.

Sirius woke too, and looked over at him, “Whatsup Moony?” he said sleepily. 

“Nothing, just a bad dream.” Remus responded, laying back down.

“Mmm” Sirius said, draping his arm over Remus’s chest, “bad dreams suck.” he said plainly. 

“Yeah…” Remus said, and though his body longed for sleep, but as he laid there, entwined with Sirius, his mind raced, as though trying to distract him from thinking about his dream.


	8. Quidditch and Kittens

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all!  
> Sorry this one took so long!  
> Harry's birthday finally! I've split it up into two chapters, so I'm afraid there's a bit of a cliffhanger at the end. But not to worry: tomorrow is Saturday, so hopefully I'll get you the next chapter by tomorrow!

“Haaaaaapy Birthday to youuuuu” Remus and Sirius chorused, ripping the hangings back from Harry’s bed, in classic Gryffindor fashion. Sirius did a small interpretive dance as Remus rounded out the song, and then ran quickly out of the room and returned seconds later with a large stack of pancakes, covered in whipped cream with enchanted sparklers sticking out of the top.

“Seven! Magical number Harry!” Sirius said excitedly, handing over the plate of pancakes and sitting on the edge of Harry’s bed. He started counting off his fingers, “Ten years till you’re of age, four years till you start Hogwarts, you can start primary school this year.” Sirius continued to list off things Harry could look forward to now that he was of the very grown up age of seven. 

Remus sat on the bed as well, picking at the whipped cream. Once Sirius was done with his many enumerations, Remus told the story of Harry’s birth, as they tried to do every year.

“And your Dad had to pry you out of Padfoot’s arms… He was very attached.” Remus finished. 

“I just know a talented kid when I see one.” Sirius said, scooping a dollop of whipped cream off of the pancakes and touching it to Harry’s nose quickly.

“Hey!” Harry batted Sirius’s hand away, and wiped the cream off his nose, laughing. 

“Alrighty,” Sirius clapped his hands together a few moments later, a gleam in his eyes, “Present time.”

Harry had four presents, one from Remus, two from Sirius and a joint present from the both of them. 

Harry opened the beautiful glass chess set, his eyes gleaming. “It’s so pretty.” He murmured, turning the pieces over in his hand, examining every groove in the glass.

“It was my mother’s.” Remus said, beaming down at Harry. 

“So it’s special.” Harry stated, and carefully placed the pieces in the box again. “Thank you.” His large green eyes looked up at him, painfully reminding Remus of Lily, and her beautifully intense stare.

Sirius’s gift was long and large. Remus had an idea of what it was, but he didn’t dare say. Yet, he was correct, for Harry unwrapped a beautifully polished Cleansweep. His hands ran over the wood and the broom bristles. His eyes gleamed, just as they had over the chess set, but this time reminding Remus of James, and the fervor of love that he had for Quidditch. 

Sirius nodded, impressively, as Harry looked up wordlessly, and then Harry looked at Remus, “Can I fly?”

Remus was taken aback, and evidently so was Sirius. Remus leaned forward and put his hand on Harry’s shoulder, “You can do anything you put your mind to. Be careful, though.” 

Then Harry looked at Sirius, “Can I fly it now?”

Sirius nodded excitedly, “Lets go.” 

Both of them jumped from the bed, and streaked out of the room, Harry still in his pyjamas.

“ _Careful!_ I said! Careful!” Remus shouted after them, and then picked himself up off the bed and followed them outside. 

The sun had barely risen, and dew was still on the ground, but Sirius was already rummaging in the broomshed. Remus glanced up at the looming Quidditch hoops off the side of the house. He remembered the day that they had all converged on them to cover them with flowers, the only condition that Lily had when agreeing to be married under them. What James would give now to see his seven year old son about to fly through the hoops he flew through as a young wizard.

What a house of memories… 

After an hour of Harry carefully learning to hover, fly up and down, and handle a quaffle, Sirius joined him in the air, never letting him further than twenty feet away. Remus watched them, and after much pleading, reluctantly joined them on Sirius’s old Shooting Star. Remus wasn’t bad at flying, in fact he was quite good and had a very good throwing arm, but he disliked being away from the ground.

“I always tried to convince ol’ Moony to join the team! But he wouldn’t hear of it!” Sirius shouted to Harry as they hovered in triangle formation and tossed the quaffle between them. 

“Were you on the team?” Harry asked, trying to throw the quaffle towards Sirius, but the throw fell short, as many of his throws did, and Sirius dove to catch it.  
“I was a Beater!” Sirius said proudly, “And of course your ol’ dad was the Keeper!” he proclaimed, and tossed the quaffle to Remus.

After another hour of messing around, all three of them trooped back inside and Harry set off for a shower and then settled down in the living room with his new Terry Pratchett book (Sirius and Remus’s joint gift). Remus started busying himself with preparing for the party which took place in six hours. 

“Athena!” Remus called from the kitchen, and the owl swooped down from the book room and onto the counter, nearly nicking Sirius on the head, earning a very indignant, “Oi!”  
“Please take this note to Mrs.Weasley.” Remus handed her a note that read,

_Molly, You are welcome to come make the party food at our house at your earliest convenience. Remus_

He secured the note to the owl’s leg and she took off out of the kitchen window towards the Burrow.

A few moments later there was a knock on the door and Remus opened it to see Molly there, levitating several empty cooking tureens above her head. 

“Molly!” Remus said, “You got my owl, that was quick.”

Molly smiled, and then tilted her head, “Owl?” she stepped inside, “I don’t need an owl to know when it’s time to start making food for a party.” She smiled good naturedly and bustled past Remus into the kitchen. 

Harry poked his head down the stairs, book still clutched in his hand, “Hi Mrs. Weasley!”

“Happy Birthday Harry!” Mrs. Weasley called back, “I don’t have your present with me, it’s at home, you’ll get it this afternoon.” Molly began to make herself familiar with the kitchen, taking stock of what was where. 

Remus thought of offering to give her a tour, but the thought died in his throat, Molly would likely see it as an insult to her investigative skills. Remus decided his efforts would be more worthwhile setting up the furniture outside.

Sirius was already in the backyard, levitating chairs in a circle, entertaining Harry who had his nose pressed against the window of the book room, looking out onto the spectacle. 

“Hiya Moony!” Sirius said, his face an indescribable picture of glee, reminding Remus heavily of their Hogwarts days.

“Having fun?” Remus walked towards him and looked up at the window through which Harry was watching the show. 

“Loads!” Sirius replied, not catching Remus’s sarcasm.

Remus took a second to admire the scene of fun, before turning his attention to the dining room table. It was it’s regular size, and could probably fit six people sitting comfortably. It had been awhile since Remus performed an enlargement charm, but the table complied to his magic easily, stretching to fit at least twenty people. 

“Beautiful work.” Sirius was evidently tired of making the chairs dance in the air and was standing behind Remus.

“I think it’ll fit everyone.” Remus said. He was slightly concerned that the charm might wear off, but it looked to be staying and he could always reapply it. 

“Hey I was thinking I’d head into the town and pick up some things for the party and give Tai a ride, want to come?” Sirius asked, looking excited again.

“On the motorcycle?” Remus asked, skeptically. 

“‘Course.” Sirius replied, folding his arms.

Remus pretending to look like he was seriously considering saying ‘No’ just to mess with Sirius, “Oh alright.” Remus caved. 

“Great!” Sirius ran back inside, yelling to Molly, “Remus and I are heading out! Watch Harry?”

“He watches himself! Too absorbed in books.” Molly shouted back, “I blame you.” She said in normal tones as Remus followed Sirius, walking quickly through the house. 

“Everyone does.” Remus said, smiling. Then he shouted up the stairs to the book room, “Harry we’re going to the town! Be back soon!”

From upstairs, “Okay!” was issued. 

Remus winked at Molly and stepped out on the front lawn, breathing in the gleaming summer day.

Sirius already had the bike pulled around, straddling it, smiling like a lunatic. Remus strode over and got on the bike, looping his arms around Sirius’s waist. Recently he had been full of memories, brimming at the surface, so when the memory of Hallowe’en nearly six years ago floated to the front of his mind, he was not surprised. 

That fall night, so alive with joyous celebration, while everything had seemingly died inside Remus, had never left him. The chirping of cicadas reminded him of it, the fireflies reminded him of it, the bike, Sirius, Sirius’s shampoo, Harry, Harry’s eyes. It was all just a never ending series of things that reminded Remus of all he lost.

Of course Remus knew he could look at it differently, that night he had gained a son, a home and a completely different life than the one he had been facing at the time. He and Sirius, though never married, were inseparable now, tied together by some invisible string, Harry and of course, love. What a cheap trick of life love had seemed to him at twenty. Now that cheap trick of life was all he lived for. 

The bike soared over the countryside, the parcels of field, green and yellow with small squares of houses looking like a jigsaw puzzle without the jig, or the saw. Geometric artwork.

The town was bustling as ever, the few muggles that lived there were either married to wizards or had just accepted the oddities of their town; owls, robes and strange noises and flashes. 

With a little bit of pride Remus spotted his shop, their shop. It had just begun to turn profit, after they had spent four years investing in it. Half a dozen people had entered and exited the shop in the few seconds that Remus gazed at it. Sirius nudged Remus, and pointed to a tottering old woman, making a beeline towards them.

Ms. Fiddlewood had lived in the town longer than anyone else it seemed, and had an odd proclivity for records, especially those made in the 1950s. This made Remus and Sirius instant favorites, as well as Harry, who was her ‘favorite cherub’. Sirius had even convinced her to come to the back of the shop for a very ‘tasteful’ tattoo; a sweet looking Tabby cat, a beautiful replica of her Patronus, paced back and forth on her ankle. 

When starting the shop Sirius had the genius idea to animate tattoos, if the customer was so inclined. This innovation had brought customers from far away, boosting their little shop into an article by Witch Weekly, “Small Businesses You’ll Never Find Anywhere Else”. Remus had thought it was pretty cool. Sirius had framed the issue. He hung it in the living room, directly next to the wall-to-ceiling bookcase of records and sound system, and proudly showed it off to any visitors. \

A few years ago Sirius had gifted Ms. Fiddlewood a leather jacket, almost identical to his, for Hanukkah. As she tottered over to them, clutching a bright pink purse, Remus noted she was wearing the leather jacket, looking excited. 

“Hello boys!” She sang, positively levitating off the ground.

“Hello Ms. Fiddlewood!” Sirius sang, matching her energy, one of Remus’s favorite traits in Sirius, his ability to match energy. 

“Alladona,” Remus hugged her, “Wonderful to see you.”

The corners of her eyes crinkled, “I’m so glad to see you! Was going to have Tai-” and then, as though she remembered something, she dropped her voice conspiratorially, “No Harry?” She craned around, as if they were hiding Harry behind them. 

“No, we’re just doing some quick errands, it’s Harry’s birthday today.” Sirius beamed.

“Good… Good…” She glanced around once more before reaching into her purse. “As I was saying, I won’t be able to stop by your house today, can’t make the trip up there, but I want you to give this to Harry.” and from inside the bright pink handbag she pulled a small kitten, with black fur and caramel swirls, like a dark tortoiseshell. It’s hair was standing on end, and it began to mewl softly. 

“Awh!” Remus exclaimed

And at the same time Sirius gave a small disgruntled, “Oh.” Sirius was not a cat person, something that Remus teased him about endlessly, the dog who disliked cats. 

“Oh Harry’ll love him!” Remus said, gingerly taking the kitten from Ms. Fiddlewood.

“Her,” She corrected, “And I’m glad. Be sure to bring him into town so I can see him and wish him a happy birthday. Promise, won’t you Sirius?” 

“Of course, I’ll bring him soon.” Sirius promised, still giving the cat a distrusting eye.

They continued to stroll down the shop, picking up last minute gifts for Harry, as if he didn’t have enough already. By the time they headed towards their shop, Sirius was laden with bags of things that “Harry might like!”, or “We need for the kitchen…” and “As a new _cat_ owner, I need to have catnip on me at all times, to avoid awkward confrontations as Padfoot.” 

Tai was ringing up a few customers at the front counter, and they smiled and waved as the pair walked in. Remus loved their shop, it had once been an old newspaper shop, but had gone bankrupt. There were still ink stains in the floor of the back room that they had strategically covered with rugs and tables. The front room of the shop had shelves upon shelves of books, as well as a rather large record section. Plants, that were only alive because of Remus’s careful tending, grew from hanging pots in the front windows. The sign above read,

**“Moon and Stars’ Books and Tattoos”**

Sirius thought it was quite clever, but Remus thought it was quite a mouthful. The villagers had come to the same conclusion apparently, as the title was popularly shortened to “Moon and Stars”.

The back room was indicated by a sign, covered in stars, reading “Tattoos”. At first Remus was quite trepidatious about opening such a unique hybrid shop, but it was immensely popular with the teen population of Ottery St. Catchpole. 

“Wotcher, Tai!” Remus said cheerily as they finished with a customer.

“Hi you two!” Tai responded cheerily. Today their hair was tied into two large poms on top of their head, with several strands falling out. They wore a pair light brown corduroy overalls with a deep red short sleeve T-shirt underneath. Remus always had appreciated their style, but Sirius had practically made it a condition of their employment. 

“Ready to go?” Sirius asked, waggling his eyebrows, and gesturing to the bike parked across the street.

Tai’s face melted into an expression of pure joy, “I was going to apparate… But- can I drive it?” 

Sirius looked at Remus, who shrugged his shoulders, “Eh, might be dangerous…” Sirius said, and then, catching sight of Tai’s face, “But I’ve done plenty of dangerous stuff before.”

“Oh yes!” Tai exclaimed, “I’ll close up early!” and then they started herding customers out of the shop, unless they already had possessions in their hands, in which case Tai hurriedly checked them out. 

“I’ll apparate back, check on Molly and Harry.” Remus said to Sirius, “You close up shop with Tai, and make sure to be careful with the bike,” He reached out and grabbed the bags gingerly, as one held Harry’s brand new kitten, “they don’t have a license…”

“Oh I can teach them.” Sirius smiled, winking. 

Remus loved his smile, the crooked look of glee, the mischievous glint in his eyes. Remus, instinctively looked around and gave Sirius a chaste kiss, quickly as to not be noticed. Though wizards were more ‘tolerant’ than muggles overall, they could still be right nasty.

Sirius blushed and walked him out of the shop. Remus walked around to the alleyway in between their building and the next, and disapparated. 

He reapparated in the front lawn of the house. He checked on the kitten, and was pleased to see that she was still curled up, sleeping on some tissue paper. Remus strode to the door and opened it to

_Pandemonium._


	9. Cakes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry's birthday party!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello to my _lovely_ readers! Sorry this chapter took a few days longer to write than usual! But it's pretty long.
> 
> Hi to all my new readers! So happy to have you here. 
> 
> I'd love to say again, how grateful I am to my friend J, for helping me brainstorm, an amazing creative mind.
> 
> Lots of character interactions in this chapter, super fun stuff. 
> 
> Enjoy!

At least three fourths of the guest list had already arrived, which included all seven of the Weasley children, Amos Diggory and his son, Drommie and Ted, with Dora in tow, and Marlene and Mary.

Remus stood in the doorway, looking into the house, so full of familiar faces, feeling peculiarly like the early days of the Order. He set down the bags of shopping, and quickly stowed the new kitten upstairs in his and Sirius’s bedroom. He thought about giving the cat a litter box, but as he didn’t have any litter and the cat was to remain unseen for now, he satisfied himself with the thought that he could just vanish whatever mess it made. 

Remus took a deep breath and prepared himself to socialize, then walked downstairs. He made his way through the house, greeting Amos and Arthur, both of whom seemed engrossed with Ted Tonks, who was explaining, to the best of his ability, what a mortgage was.

Molly was still where Remus had left her, in the kitchen, with steaming pots and pans of every dish Harry had ever shown interest in. Remus was very sure he saw Cedrella and Dora preparing _beans and toast_ in the corner, when he heard his name called. Andromeda Tonks, Sirius’s favorite cousin and Remus’s second favorite Black, was waving energetically, beckoning him towards her. 

“Hiya darling!” She said sweetly, wrapping Remus into a warm hug. Andromeda had always reminded Remus of his mother, even when they were at school. Now that she was a mother, the maternal energy was overwhelming.

“Drommie, I missed you!” Remus said, as they sat down together at the dining room table. “I saw Ted trying to explain mortgages to Amos and Arthur.” 

“Ah, bless them, they’re always trying to get the most muggle information out of him as possible. I keep trying to tell them that Ted hasn’t lived in the muggle world since he was sixteen… But do they listen?” She laughed and threw up her hands in a helpless gesture. Remus laughed too, watching poor, extremely patient Ted Tonks start to go purple in the face from explaining.

“Hey, have you seen Harry?” Remus asked, looking around. 

“Oh I think the twins are entertaining him over in the hall, they brought some type of sparklers.” Drommie’s eyes twinkled, “Quite the mischief makers…”

“Thanks Andy.” Remus squeezed her hand and then made this way towards the hall. Indeed Fred and George, just slightly taller than Harry now, were entertaining him by tossing and whirling sparklers and miniature fireworks. 

“Dad!” Harry called, waving, he scrambled up from his seat from the floor and ran over to hug Remus.

“Hiya Remus!” Fred said, smiling gleefully. 

“Just entertaining the birthday boy!” George said, matching Fred’s grin.

Remus tried the best parental look on, failing miserably, “Just as long you don’t burn holes in the carpet. And make sure to…” But the sentence trailed off and he spotted Marlene and Mary in the corner with Charlie Weasley, discussing something to do with Romania. 

Mary made eye contact with him and sprinted over, throwing her arms around his neck. Her tight curly hair smothered his face, smelling of hibiscus flowers. 

“Remus,” Mary said, withdrawing from the hug, “it is so _good_ to see you.”

Remus beamed back at Mary, when the front door opened, Sirius and a rather windswept but excited looking Tai entered. 

“Hands off my man, MacDonald.” Sirius said, smirking. Mary laughed and wrapped him in a hug as well. Marlene and Charlie were still in deep discussion over what Remus now heard was dragons. Remus greeted both of them with a hug, Marlene looked very excited and her eyes glinted like they used to before quidditch matches.

“Charlie has contacts in the dragon business. Training, research and exploration. It’s _very_ interesting.” Marlene told Remus, apparently extremely intrigued. 

“If you get my girlfriend burned up by involving her in some dragon business, I’ll have your guts for garters.” Mary interjected. Charlie paled slightly.

“He’s only sixteen, Mary calm down.” Sirius said, laughing. 

Mary grumbled something about how dangerous Sirius was at sixteen, but let the subject pass. About five minutes later, Sirius and Mary had slipped into an intense debate over Freddie Mercury’s sexuality, Marlene and Charlie had fallen back into discussing dragons, with Remus half listening, when there was a knock by the door. Sirius, being only a few feet away, briefly disengaged from his intense debate and opened it.

The Lovegoods had arrived, all wearing complimenting silver robes, accented with black and golden. Remus walked over, to stand by Sirius. Xenophilius and Pandora looked radiant, and slightly odd, with jewelry that seemed to be made of braided yellow grass. 

“Pandora!” Sirius said, ignoring Xenophilius and hugging the woman, who greeted him back.

“Sirius! It’s been ages!” Pandora beamed, and gestured to her husband, “and you’ve met Xenophilius, of course.” 

Xenophilius shook Sirius’s hand, and then Remus’s in turn. Then, a small noise was made, and at Remus’s waist level, a small waifish child with large glowing eyes and long silky platinum hair, like their parents’ looked up.

“Ah yes and your son, Lyterses, right?” Sirius bent down and shook the child’s hand. 

Pandora cleared her throat and said, “Actually it’s Luna.”

Sirius straightened up, blinked for a second, and then said, addressing Luna, “Well, that is a very pretty name you’ve picked, just as pretty as that dress you’re wearing.” 

Luna smiled, her giant glassy eyes focusing on Remus, who stood just behind Sirius. “Thank you.” She said, in a whispery voice.

“And, I’m sure Mrs. Weasley’ll give you a snack if you ask very nicely.” Sirius added. 

“Where’s Harry?” Luna asked, more confidently, “I have a present.” and she presented a small box, wrapped in brilliantly blue paper.

“He’s just down the hall, with Fred and George.” Remus supplied. 

Luna smiled and then skipped past them down the hall.

Sirius straightened up and smiled after her. 

“Thank you.” Pandora said, with a tight smile. She glanced at Xenophilius.

Remus looked at the both of them and, though he was a good several years younger than both of them, felt a surge of parental compassion. If two men raising a kid in 1987 was a subject of contention, having a transgender child must be beyond difficult. The Lovegoods were one of the best families Remus knew, odd, sure, but loving. 

“Thank _you_ ” Remus said, stepping in front of Sirius slightly, who was still nodding, holding eye contact with Xenophilius. Remus addressed Pandora, “For accepting her. It would have made a world of difference for me.” Remus held eye contact with the woman, and they both smiled.

The light in the doorframe was golden, and caught specks of dust in the air. The beams silhouetted the couple, and played on Pandora’s golden hair just like fine strands of silk. Remus noticed, not for the first time, but certainly the most obvious under the light, the patchwork of scars on her hands and around her jawline, with a silver scar just above her forehead. He knew, via stories from Luna, that Pandora was an experimental witch, and was trying to master the art of combining spells. Dangerous business, it appeared.

“It’s good of you to invite us, thank you.” Xenophilius said, and Sirius smiled. 

“Of course!” He said, hopping back into his host attitude quickly, “So Xeno,” He slung an arm around Xenophilius’s shoulders, bringing him inside, “Remus tells me you used to sell weed back in Hogwarts and I-” They walked away into the living room.

“How’s the summer been so far?" Pandora asked, smiling warmly. 

"It's been good! Since we got that Witch Weekly article business has been bigger than ever. We took on a full time employee!" Remus said, suddenly opening up, Pandora had a strange talent of making you feel perfectly at ease. "I'd love to introduce you to them!" He saw that Tai was setting the table and in deep conversation with Cedrella.

"Oh that sounds wonderful!" Pandora beamed, "But I must confess, I was rather hoping to get a tour of your library! Harry says it’s stocked with the most marvelous books.” 

Remus smiled back, “Ah, another book lover. I’m afraid Harry might have been overselling it a bit,” He laughed, “But if you’d like to see it it’s just upstairs!”

They took to the stairs and turned into the book room, “Oh it’s _gorgeous!_ ” Pandora sighed, tracing her fine fingers over the edges of the book cases. Remus sighed as well, the room was warm and smelled of the old library he used to sneak away to visit when he was younger. He would try, in vain, to read, the letters would float off the page, or switch places with each other, frustrating him to no end. Now, books were friendly to him, and he in turn housed them in this serene home. 

“Have you ever thought of activism?” Pandora asked, waving a copy of Wendell Berry’s, _The Unsettling of America_

“Hm?” Remus asked, looking up. _Activism? What, for gay rights?_ He thought. 

Pandora shrugged, and shelved the book, “For werewolf legislation, I thought you and Sirius would be the type to picket.”

Remus felt a small surge of panic in his chest, it had been years since someone discovering his secret had so blatantly confronted him. 

“You mustn’t tell anyone.” Remus said, suddenly serious. He crossed the room, so he was a few feet away from her.

She blinked, and then smiled, “Oh I thought you knew…” Her smile was slightly lopsided. 

She rolled up the elegant sleeves of her silvery dress, exposing the webs of equally silvery scars. Suddenly it clicked and Remus felt like an idiot.

“Oh…” He sighed, “When?” He asked, his voice trailing off a little. 

Pandora shook her sleeves down again, “The war. Some Voldemort supporters came after my family, apparently one of them had wronged him in some way. My sister and I survived, but I got bit.” She tilted her head slightly upwards, and pulled her collar, exposing her shoulder where a bite, similar to Remus’s, puckered the skin, pink and silver. “It’s been, nearly twelve years now…” Her eyes looked so much like her daughter’s large and silvery blue.

Remus suddenly felt the urge to laugh, "Is that why she chose Luna?" 

Pandora laughed, "She does have the sweetest heart that one..."

“And you figured mine out?” Remus said. 

She leveled him with an intense but kind stare, “I am very observant. Sorted into Ravenclaw, you know. But it wasn’t hard to tell, weak after full moons, just like me.”

Remus smiled, it had been years since he met another werewolf, and the strange kinship he felt was welcomed. There was a moment of comfortable silence and then the both made their way out of the room. 

“So tell me more about this lycanthropy activism.” Remus asked as they descended back into the party.

The next couple of hours passed very smoothly, and when the food was served everyone seated themselves around the enlarged table which stayed, mercifully, enlarged. Mrs. Weasley had truly outdone herself, with almost every dish that you could imagine laid out in front of them. 

After dinner was finished and dusk arrived with a rose pink glow, accented with the last gold sun rays, Sirius levitated a large three layer, dark green cake out of the house, covered in candles. Everyone joined in a rousing chorus of happy birthday and Harry blew himself out of breath, snuffing all the candles. The cake was truly magnificent, chocolate with buttercream frosting, Molly had several queued requests for the recipe.

As Remus was assisting with cleaning away the plates, he ran into Tai, who looked like they were severely enjoying themselves. 

"How was the party?" Remus asked, unloading them of a particularly heavy tureen.

"Wonderful!" Tai responded, "Mrs. Weasley tried to set me up with Bill," Tai said. 

"As she always does," Remus responded, sarcastically, "and?"

"And I met Cedrella! She's very cool. Just started Hogwarts last year, and she was very intrigued with the idea of having 'no gender'" Tai laughed. 

"I admit I was quite intrigued, myself when I first met you." Remus said, dumping the dishes in the sink.

"Most people are..." Tai smiled. "And Tonks did manage to wrangle me into promising to audition for her band." 

Remus stretched on yellow washing gloves, "Dora is going by Tonks now? That’s what her dad went as at Hogwarts.”

“Yeah, apparently Nymphadora is ‘too girly’." They paused, "I’ve never met a metamorphmagus. When Charlie called her Dora, her eyebrows turned red!” Tai laughed, “But I like Tonks.” 

“Me too” Remus said, reflectively, “So, what do you play?" He asked, squirting the liquid soap into the water and started to scrub, magic took the general fun out of menial tasks.

"I play bass! And apparently they're in need of a bassist." Tai answered. 

Remus hummed, "Kismet."

"Oh! Harry's opening presents!" Tai said, craning over to look into the living room. 

"Oh shit!" Remus muttered under his breath, remembering the kitten, still in the large bedroom upstairs. He ripped off the gloves and dashed upstairs.

The kitten was curled up on the end of their bed, in a very small fluffy ball. Remus glanced around and remarkably the kitten had not made any messes. 

"I like you already." Remus said, scooping up the kitten and closing the door behind him.

Harry had just finished opening the Lovegood's present, a necklace with a large pendant that looked remarkably like a dried and crystallized orange slice. Harry donned it happily and thanked Luna profusely. 

Harry looked up and caught Remus's eye, Remus smiled and walked towards the living room, holding the kitten securely to his chest.

Remus waded through the tissue paper, "This," He handed the kitten to Harry gently, "Is from Ms. Fiddlewood. She says happy birthday." 

Harry's eyes grew as wide as galleons and he seemed completely focused on the small animal. The kitten mewled its discomfort at because of it's situation change, and then curled up again in Harry's lap.

The younger kids, Ron, Ginny and Luna crowded around to pet the small thing. Cedric and the twins visibly held back, but were unable to hide their excitement over the kitten. Tonks, Tai, Bill and Charlie were uninterested, and instead were talking animatedly about their band idea. Remus eavesdropped for a few seconds and overheard the intense debate over a name. Charlie threw in "Rocking Warlocks'' and it was quickly quashed by Tonks. 

Sirius seemed to be living through Harry, and briefly Remus wondered what Sirius's seventh birthday had looked like. Probably very dismal and proper, and Remus’s heart ached a little bit for his over-excited lover.

Once the kitten had been properly petted, and named, lovingly, Harriet, after Harry’s favorite book character at the time, from Le Guin’s _Catwings_ series, they moved onto the last present. It was the second present that Sirius had made for Harry, and was very secretive towards Remus the entire time he wrapped and bought it. 

Harry tore off the emerald wrapping paper revealing a brown hardcover book. He opened it and underneath glossy plastic pages were photos of the Marauders, from as young as fifteen, right up to Harry’s first birthday. There were photos of them in Hogwarts, and around Hogsmeade, as well as photos of them in the order.

Obviously Sirius had forgotten that he had added this present to the pile, and it had caught him by surprise. Remus realized that Sirius had meant to have Harry open it that morning, when it was just the three of them, instead of in a room full of people. 

Remus got to his feet, and started clearing up the wrapping paper. Thankfully not many people had noticed the strange reaction to the present as they were all engaged in their own conversations. When people started to notice Remus cleaning up the wrapping paper, they took that as a signal the party was winding down.

Sirius sat with Harry a little longer, playing with the kitten. Mrs. Weasley rounded up her children and Arthur, and bid Remus goodnight. Hugs were exchanged between the kids and quicker than the house had filled up, seven hours before, it emptied. 

Andromeda and Ted stayed around and chatted with Sirius for a little longer as Remus saw everyone out and stood next to the door, saying goodbye to everyone with Harry. Tai gave Harry an extra tight hug and disapparated back to the village. Cedric and Amos said goodbye and Amos, the great conversationalist, roped Remus into a conversation about portkey laws, while Cedric and Harry stood, not really talking, just waiting for the adults to finish.

After the Lovegoods left, it was just Andromeda, Ted and Tonks. They cleaned up the wrapping paper and the dishes, and finally bid their goodbyes. 

~~

The house was strangely empty. Remus had gotten used to such a large space feeling slightly empty with only three people occupying it, but after a large party, the house felt strangely void. The remnants of the party were littered around the house. Harry was sleeping, sprawled, stomach down, in the middle of the living room, surrounded by his new presents, the kitten sleeping peacefully on the small of his back. Sirius sat on the large armchair, flipping through the photobook. 

He had been staring at the photo of him and James at the wedding. Remus had taken the photo, what seemed like ages ago. Near the corner you could see Lily’s slender fingers trying to photobomb. Both James and Sirius were grinning like maniacs and in the slightly moving photo they were leaning against each other, drunk of champagne and happiness, stumbling towards the camera. Behind them, the white, four-story wedding cake gleamed in the sunlight.

Remus put a hand on Sirius’s shoulder, “Come on.” He said softly, “Lets go to bed.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The Unsettling of America" By Wendell Berry is largely considered to be one of the best pieces of activist writing from the twentieth century. I highly recommend it.  
> "Catwings" By Ursula Le Guin is a great children's book series, with amazing illustrations and a great storyline. (Again, recommend)


	10. Burned Letters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More life! I PROMISE there will be a plot soon :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello Lovelies! I'm sorry it's been a few days, life has been a little laggy lately.  
> I promise I'll get you more chapters quicker. But also! Thank you all for sixty kudos and ten bookmarks! Oh my gosh! And chapter 10! WOO! This fic was supposed to be short but it's looking like it's gonna be long!  
> I love you all, thank you so so much for reading! Every comment and kudo makes me smile :)
> 
> This chapter is a little sad, and I promise there will be a substantial plot to move along the story!
> 
> CW: Grief and mourning.

_December 16th, 1987_

It had been seven years since he had seen them, to the day. Just as long as the Marauders had been at Hogwarts. Remus felt it unfair that their last year had been spent in hiding… For nothing at all. 

Remus sat on the couch, one arm draped over the back, looking out of the large living room window. It was the first snow of the season. He had smelled it yesterday, under the clear, chilled moon. The snow flurries bombarded the window, some sticking to the pane and melting. The landscape outside was completely covered, and small lumps in the flat surface indicated where chairs and tables had been left outside.

Everything was quieter in the snow, like the entire world had turned down the volume. Arthur, who’s most recent obsession was muggle weather patterning, explained that because of the higher humidity, the air was filled with more molecules, muffling sound waves, like ‘putting your head underwater’. But Remus liked to think that the whole world had held its breath, in order to properly take in the beauty of the white blanket.

Sirius handed him a hot mug of cocoa. He smiled thinly, the night before had been rather more strenuous than usual. Though the winter moons were the longest, and therefore the worst, snow had always been strangely lucky for Remus. Snow had been present for all the good things in his life. It was magical. 

“How are you feeling?” Sirius asked, settling himself down on the couch, next to Remus.

“Considering that I broke my leg trying to get away from Padfoot,” Remus smirked, “I’d say pretty good.” 

Sirius smiled into his mug, “I wonder how Pandora fared…”

Remus gazed out the window, unfocusing his eyes, “It’s strange to think about.” 

Sirius did not reply, he just hummed an agreeing ‘hm’ and sipped his cocoa.

“I’m glad we closed the shop this week, with the rush of seasonal last-minute purchases I don’t know if I’d be up to the task of managing it.” Remus said, shifting his legs, one still wrapped in bandages and quite sore, onto Sirius’s lap. 

“Especially with Tai on holiday.” Sirius agreed.

Remus took up staring out the window again. After the snow became a strain on his eyes he looked back at Sirius, disturbed to find a strangely distraught look playing on his fine features. Remus leaned forward and placed a hand on Sirius’s arm. 

Sirius looked up as if he just remembered that Remus was there. Remus tilted his head, wordlessly asking a question.

Sirius sighed and readjusted himself, causing some small pains to shoot up Remus’s leg, he ignored them. “It’s the first day of Hanukkah.” Sirius whispered, his eyes bored into Remus’s. Remus knit his brows, and Sirius’s eyes started to well up. 

Staring into Sirius’s watering grey eyes, Remus was flooded with images of thirteen-year-old Lily stubbornly campaigning for a Hogwarts Menorah to be erected in the great hall, next to the Christmas tree; of James’s face when Sirius revealed the chuppah that he had dedicated a month into carving and decorating; of Lily holding baby Harry, barely five months old, in front of the candles, as they lit them, surrounded by family for the last time.

“Seven years.” Remus croaked, “Today.” Tears started to roll down Sirius’s cheeks, and drip onto his sweater, making the green look black. 

Occasionally it was like this, small moments where they grieved together. It was never in front of Harry. Nothing sad was ever in front of Harry. 

Any time Harry asked questions that might prompt a particularly painful memory to resurface, Sirius jumped into Dad Mode, pushing away the grief. Remus wondered what Sirius would do when it came time for Harry to emotionally comprehend the loss that he had sustained at such a young age. He tried to push it out of his mind, but it was sticky, and left remnants all over his brain.

They sat on the couch for several minutes, in silence, just drinking their cocoa. Remus studied Sirius's aristocratic features, his sharp nose and high brows. He so often reminded Remus of some Egyptian pharaoh from a myth. Because that's what he was: mythical. For all his flaws, Sirius was a piece of art in a person, and his beauty was not lost on Remus, after all these years, it still startled him. 

After Sirius had drained the last dregs, he stood and walked over to the bookcase where they housed their expansive record collection.

“Pick a decade.” Sirius tossed over his shoulder to Remus. 

He pondered for a second, “The sixties.” He was feeling reminiscent anyway, some music that reminded him of school would perhaps be cathartic.

“Ah!” Sirius pulled a record from the shelf with a flourish. Remus noticed that often after feeling sad, Sirius, in an attempt to cheer himself up, would be overly dramatic or boisterous. “It’s your _favorite,_ Remus.” Sirius did a little dance, holding “Meet The Beatles” in front of him.

Remus groaned, he didn’t dislike the Beatles, but he preferred their later albums, Revolver perhaps. The needle cracked and music burst forth from the speaker set that Sirius had spent _hours_ perfecting. The first beats thudded out of the speaker, and with almost teenager-like glee, Sirius jumped into the middle of the living room and started to dance. 

_Oh yeah, I'll tell you somethin'  
I think you'll understand  
When I say that somethin'  
I want to hold your hand _

Sirius lip synched along with the words, putting on a show for Remus, wiggling his hips with pacing back and forth. Remus laughed and sang along with Sirius. 

The song ended and the next one “I Saw Her Standing There” started playing, with a few sharp beats. Apparently it was not to Sirius’s liking for he strode over to the turntable and lifted the needle quickly.

“If you’re going to play another Beatles, please make it from an album post ‘66.” Remus complained from the couch. 

Sirius chuckled and started rustling through the seventies section. He pulled out a blue album and started cleaning off the record before placing into the table. Soft piano music issued out, before Elton John’s jazzy voice crooned,

_Blue-jean baby_

_  
L.A. lady  
_

“You sappy sod!” Remus threw at Sirius, laughing. Their first kiss, a decade ago, had been prompted by this song. Sirius’s eyes softened around the edges and his lips curled into a smile. He walked over to the couch and pulled Remus up, leaning most of his weight against Sirius’s body to relieve his still healing leg. They mocked waltzed, though Remus couldn’t help but notice Sirius making perfect squares on the ground below, revealing years of proper dancing lessons.

It was not often that Remus was the one leaning on Sirius, usually the other way around, but it felt good to allow himself to be held, instead of doing the holding. 

_  
Hold me closer, tiny dancer  
Count the headlights on the highway  
Lay me down in sheets of linen  
You had a busy day today  
_  
~~~

Mrs. Weasley had returned Harry, still a little dizzy from side-along apparition, a few hours later. Remus was still reclining on the couch, engrossed in a book about early goblin wars, and Sirius was making cinnamon rolls. 

“Molly!” Sirius said, “Care for a bun?” Through the archway, Remus could see him throw a dish towel over his shoulder and lean on the counter, in a graceful kind of casualness.

“Uh no, thank you, dear.” Molly said, with a smile in her voice. Harry ran down the hallway to the living room and flopped down on the couch, next to Remus. His cheeks were flushed with excitement and there were still flakes of snow clinging to his dark hair. 

“Ron taught me to do the muggle Elvis thing look!” Harry jumped from the couch again and bent his knees inward in an imitation of the rock singer.

Remus applauded politely, “Amazing, Harry!” Harry looked quite pleased with himself. He settled down on the couch again. Harriet, now almost fully grown, slinked over and jumped up in Harry’s lap. 

“Did you see my dance, Harriet?” Harry asked the feline, proudly. Harry had taken to talking to animals, not all animals, just Harriet and Cedrella’s rat, but it felt disconcerting to Remus. He felt that Harry, growing up with human Sirius 75 percent of the time and Padfoot 15 percent of the time, had started to believe all animals could understand him. What was even more disconcerting was that Harry acted like the animals would talk back, having full on conversations.

Molly had assured Remus that it was simply a phase, and that the twins used to talk to their stuffed animals, and Remus certainly hoped so. He didn’t take as much personal responsibility for Harry as Sirius did, but he felt he owed it to James and Lily to raise their son correctly. 

Sirius had convinced Molly to take a few of the still steaming buns home with her, and walked her outside to their disapparation spot. Harry was having a hushed ‘conversation’ with Harriet when Sirius came back inside. He strode past the living room and down the hall, to the jacket tree and grabbed his leather jacket.

“I’m going to dash to the village, won’t be longer than an hour.” Sirius said, walking into the living room, ruffling Harry’s hair and bending over to kiss Remus. 

“Alright,” Remus responded, lowering his book, “Could you grab some eggs and lettuce? We’re out but I don’t feel like taking the Cortina in the snow just for a couple things.”

Sirius chuckled, he hated their old Ford Cortina, and, as the family’s self designated mechanic, had spent hours wrestling with the fifteen year old engine. “I’ll grab 'em. Iceberg right?” Sirius confirmed. 

“And spinach!” Remus added, sweetly. Sirius winked, kissed Harry on the forehead and walked out to the backyard. There was a crack of apparition and he was gone.

“Up for a game of chess?” Remus asked. Harry grinned excitedly. 

~~~

An hour later the fire in the fireplace crackled merrily. Remus and Harry hadn’t moved, still engrossed in what was now their third game of chess. Billie Holiday’s sweet voice was crooning about lost love when there was a crack in the backyard. Sirius appeared from behind the door, snow in his hair and caking his boots, cheeks flush with red. He sidled into the room and performed a quick drying spell, that melted the snow and left a puddle on the floor. He vanished the water and pulled a Mars bar from the bag and tossed it to Harry. 

“Yes! Mars bar!” Harry caught it, “Thank youu!” He sang. He peeled back the black crinkling wrapper and took a hearty bite before refocusing on the game, determining his next move. Remus had to admit that Harry had gotten infinitely better at chess after spending most weekends playing with him or Ron.

Harry had also gotten top marks in all his primary school classes, excelling in maths specifically. They had gotten his first semester report card, and every teacher had left a note about how he was ‘a pleasure to have in class’ or ‘extraordinarily bright’. Sirius had been beaming with pride ever since the owl had arrived. “Just wait ‘till you get to Hogwarts!” He would tell Harry over and over. 

Writing and burning letters to the dead was a concept Remus had picked up from a book, he wasn’t sure where he had read it, but it had always stuck with him. The night the owl from the primary school arrived, he had written a long letter to Lily and an even longer one to James.

~~ 

_  
Lily,_

_I hope to do you justice by raising Harry, who reminds me of you more and more every day; he has outstripped his peers in all school subjects at seven years old. He has a strong sense of what is right and what is wrong, he reminds me of you in that way too._

_The other day he decided that he wanted to frame a photo of us from our Hogwarts leavers party. You remember the one where we’re standing in the yard and Sirius was so plastered that he let Mary put lipstick on him? Harry thinks it’s hysterical._

_I wish you were here to do this, I think you’d be better than me. I do what I think you would’ve done: I teach Harry chess, and give him all the best reading books._

_Sirius got Harry a broom for his birthday last July, and he has spent at least ten minutes everyday, rain or shine, riding under the hoops out in the yard. Sirius misses you too, I don’t think he’s letting himself grieve. I wish you were here to help me let him be properly sad, you were always the best at comforting. I miss your chocolate._

_Love,_

_Remus.  
_  
~~

_James,_

_  
I’m sorry. It took me seven years to write to you. I couldn’t think of anything to say, I couldn’t take myself seriously._

_You always believed in belief, and you had this uncanny way of seeing the world properly, I think Harry has that too. Everything is just so simple to him, he is such a loving and accepting child. None of Sirius’s prejudice, and none of my anger. Just you and Lily, through and through._

_He has become great friends with the Weasley’s youngest boy, Ron, they remind me of you and Sirius. When Harry was four we realized he needed glasses, like you. I think that’s when Sirius started to notice how much he looks like you. And he truly does, James. Even at seven years old, with so much growing to do, when he’s on the broom (yes Sirius bought him a broom) he reminds me of you on the Hogwarts quidditch pitch._

_I told Lily, but I wish you were here, instead of me. You would not believe how joyous and mischievous he is! His best prank thus far was drawing mustaches on all the family portraits while they were sleeping._

_  
Sirius constantly regales him with stories of the Marauders, who seem little more than fictional characters at this point, and their exploits at Hogwarts, which seem little more than fairytales. He has taken to calling us Padfoot and Moony. I’m sure you would have loved this, but it makes me feel as though he is trying to be you. I’m worried for Sirius, I told Lily but I’m worried he’s not letting himself grieve for you too._

_Sometimes I wonder if he forgets you’re gone. Sometimes he’ll say something about how he needs to write and tell you about one thing or another, and then he’ll catch himself. This happens less and less as the years go by, but as Harry ages and continues to be your spitting image, I think Sirius is regressing. That being said, you’d be so proud of him, he has spent every waking moment dedicated to raising Harry. Taking this godfather job rather seriously if I do say so myself._

_Harry isn’t just the spitting image of you, but I believe he possesses some of the Potter talent when it comes to Quidditch. He has a great talent for catching things, and can move very quickly on the broom. I think there might be a future of Chaser Potter on the Gryffindor quidditch team once again._

_Prongs, I do hope you’re watching him, you wouldn’t’ve wanted to miss this._

_Yours,_

_Moony.  
_

Remus couldn’t bring himself to burn them until a week after he wrote them. Sirius had gone to the Weasley’s to retrieve Harry, and Remus had crouched in front of the large fireplace. 

He remembered coming out of there, summer after his second year, and meeting Euphemia and Fleamont for the first time. He remembered the Christmases that had been merrily enjoyed around the fireplace, spreading warmth into the room.

He had folded the letters, as though he was going to send them by owl, but hadn’t given them a wax seal. He tossed them onto the fire, one by one, and watched the edges crinkle and burn. For a second he had an overwhelming desire to reach his hand in quickly and save them from the flames. But after they were burned there was a strangely peaceful feeling in his heart. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my friend El for helping me with the music ideas for this chapter, and don't worry, they've already given me a _very stern_ talking to about the letters./s  
> I can't help writing sad things, I'm sorry (not really) :)  
> Thank you again for the comments and reads and bookmarks! You have no idea how much it means <3


	11. The Inevitable Letter

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mostly a flashback chapter :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all- Sorry it's been almost a week! This chapter was dense and hard to write. But I think that it's a bit longer than a regular chapter, so that makes up for it.  
>  **Content warnings:** Homophobia, general family tension and fighting. Mentions of suicide and blood prejudice.  
> I'm very sorry for this chapter :)

The sun was intruding on the cold bubble of snow, melting the flakes on the windowpane and leaving tree branches dark brown and dripping. Remus was sad to see the white blanket leave but knew that one day, no matter what happened, it would snow again. That was comforting to Remus: the inevitability. Just as the brown post office owl that was swooping down through the clear blue sky was crushingly inevitable. 

The owl flew through the kitchen window, wearing a golden chest harness that signified it as a Post Office owl. It’s eyes were dark and narrowed, as though Remus was the one intruding. It stuck it’s leg out, and Remus, cautiously curious, untied the letter and the bird abruptly took off, out the window and back into the sky.

Within a few fractions of the second that Remus looked at the envelope, he noted two things. The first thing he noted was the Welsh postage stamp, reminding him of the many summers of letters back and forth with the Marauders. The next thing he noted was the name, scrawled on the upper left hand of the envelope: _Carys Griffiths._

Remus’s stomach dropped, he felt a strange anxious feeling seize his chest. He threw the unopened letter down onto the kitchen table and walked out of the house, he couldn’t remember if he closed the door or not. He knew that Harry and Sirius were playing quidditch, and that was only a few dozen yards away from the house, but somehow the walk felt like it lasted an eternity.

Remus felt seventeen again, the last time he had seen his mother, and his step-father and step-siblings at their small suburban house. He had told her that he was going to live in London and help with the wizarding war. He had taken Sirius home for Christmas and introduced him as his boyfriend, much to his stepfather’s displeasure. Remus could have handled Rees’s reaction, but the final straw for him was his mother blaming Sirius’s family for Lyall’s suicide. 

~~  
_  
Sirius poked his head out of the bathroom, “Is a tie too formal?” He asked, holding up a deep maroon one._

_Remus smiled and raised an eyebrow, “It’s just dinner.” he chuckled._

_“I’m meeting your parents, Remus!” Sirius said, slightly anxiously._

_Remus pushed off of the edge of his bed, where he had been perching, and walked over to Sirius. “You’ve met my mother before.” He grabbed the tie out of Sirius’s hands._

_“But not in this capacity!” Sirius ran his hands through his hair, knitting his brows. “And I haven’t met Rees yet!”_

_Remus scoffed, “I couldn’t give a toss what Rees thinks, and you,” he poked a finger into Sirius’s chest, “shouldn’t give a toss either.”_

_“But he’s your stepfather Remus!” Sirius whined, Remus felt slightly annoyed at Sirius’s anxiety. He understood it, but why couldn’t Sirius just take his word for it?_

_“Sirius.” Remus said sternly, “The only reason Rees is in my life is because he married my mother. He doesn’t like me, his children don’t like me, I don’t like any of them.” Sirius still looked unconvinced, Remus put his hands on Sirius’s shoulders, “Trust me when I say: His opinion means less to me than Snivily’s opinion.”_

_Sirius chuckled “Alright, you’ve convinced me.”_

_Remus sighed and flung himself back onto his bed, “One of these days your stubbornness will be the death of me.”_

_Sirius threw his t-shirt at Remus, “Tosser.” he closed the bathroom door again._

_“Nob.” Remus shouted, half laughing, at the bathroom door._

_They trudged the snowy walkway outside of Hogwart’s gates to the apparition spot, they had received special permission to visit home, as they were staying at Hogwarts for the holidays this year._

_Because Remus’s mother was a muggle there was no apparition spot by her house, so they had to apparate a half a mile away from them, behind some run-down secret wizard bar. By the time they had made it to the small suburban house, their feet were sore. Remus knocked on the door, and it swung open almost instantly. His mother stood in the doorway, apron around her waist, toddler on her hip._

_Remus had always appreciated his mother’s face, so different from his own, round and smiling, with cheery brown eyes and hair that reached down to her navel, always styled in a bun.  
“Remus!” She wrapped him into a one armed hug, “I’m glad you’re home!” She beamed at him, and her eyes rested on Sirius, just behind his shoulder, and the smile slid off her face._

_Sirius glanced at Remus nervously, and then reached forward, extending his hand, “Good evening, Mrs. Griffiths!” he said cheerily, shaking her hand vigorously, “It’s a joy to meet you again! Remus said that-”_

_But Carys cut across him, addressing Remus, “I made pot roast and Rees just arrived home from work. Osian has been wanting to see you,” She readjusted the toddler and spoke to him, “Haven’t you?”_

_Sirius’s mouth was slightly agape and his eyes filled with a panic. Remus’s heart started to feel heavy. The toddler nodded and then wiggled out of Carys’s arms, and ran opposite from the door, down the hall. Carys smiled at Remus and then turned, walking back down the hall to the kitchen._

_Remus stepped inside, and Sirius tugged on his sleeve, “Moony, did you see-” he whispered anxiously, Remus held up a hand and nodded._

_“Come on, it’s gonna be fine.” Remus wasn’t completely sure who he was telling that to. They walked into the house, and, closing the door gently behind him, Sirius wiped his palms on his pants. Remus’s mother was working around in the kitchen, pulling down plates and silverware from the cabinets, and humming pleasantly._

_Remus perched himself on a kitchen stool, anger quietly bubbling up in his stomach. How dare his mother, who invited them here, treat Sirius so coldly? He had expected this kind of attitude from Rees, it was the same attitude he had received from him for the past four years._

_But maybe he should’ve been expecting this, after all, his mother was a muggle. Remus had been so immersed in acceptance by his friends at Hogwarts that perhaps he had forgotten the prejudice that queer couples faced in the muggle world. His mother, however, had always been accepting when it came to his own queerness._

_Sirius, still stubbornly determined to impress, offered to set the table, holding out his arms to receive the plates. Carys barely looked at him, and called down the hall where the bedrooms were “Becca! Come set the table!” and then, still ignoring Sirius, turned back to the cooking. Sirius slunk back onto his seat as Remus’s nine-year-old step-sister, ambled into the kitchen._

_The hot anger that was boiling in his stomach seemed to migrate to Remus’s forehead, he felt desperately embarrassed and angry. Then, Rees walked around the corner, beer in hand, wearing an unbuttoned collared shirt and brown slacks. His large brown eyes, under high-placed bushy eyebrows, flitted back and forth between Remus and Sirius, then scowled. “Nice of you to join us, Lupin.” Rees muttered, darkly. Sirius raised his eyebrows, but Remus shook his head, slightly._

_Rees had called him Lupin since he was thirteen, Remus knew it was just to polarize him from the rest of the family. Remus had taken the hint and slowly detached himself from the family, feeling less and less welcome. His mother wasn’t really his anymore, since she gave birth to Osian she had another little boy to take care of. Not only that, but Remus was the only wizard in the family further separating him; he was part of a world they didn’t even know about._

_When they all sat down to eat, Rees made a painfully conspicuous deal of making sure neither Becca nor Osian sat next to Sirius at the table. Remus hoped Sirius didn’t notice, but it was more likely that he had just ignored it._

_Carys took charge of the conversation, rambling on about Becca’s school marks and various church gossip. Sirius listened politely, making engaging comments and asking questions, most of which Carys ignored. Remus spent a lot of the meal staring down Rees, opposite from him at the table. When the subject of the end of the school year rolled around, Sirius jumped on it, hoping to impress, “I plan on buying a flat in London, just before school ends.”_

_Rees, who had been resolutely lowering his head over his food, lifted his gaze, “Quite rich, are you? I suppose I expect nothing more from a boarding school nob.” he said casually._

_Remus’s brow was now blazing hot with shame and anger, but Sirius let the supposed insult slide off his back, “Actually, my parents disinherited me,” he gestured between himself and Remus as explanation, “But my uncle left me some money, which I plan to invest into this flat. Eventually, when Remus and I move, we can sell it for double the price of what we bought it for.” Sirius said smoothly._

_Remus kept his gaze locked on Rees, who was clearly struggling with his original bias against Sirius and the fact that he was obsessed with real estate flipping. He would watch the home improvement house flipping shows, and yell recommendations at the screen as though they could hear him._

_Sirius smiled to himself, focusing on his food once again. Apparently Rees wasn’t done lambasting them because he glanced at Sirius and said loudly, with forced casualness, “So a bachelor pad, eh?” He smiled wickedly at Remus, knowing exactly what he was doing, “It’s always nice to live with your school mates after school’s over.”_

_Sirius, taking this in his stride, possibly because he had experience with this type of passive-aggressiveness, growing up at the Black house, said, “Quite, Mr. Griffiths, my mate James, however, moving right in with his girlfriend, just like Remus and I are doing.” Sirius chuckled, much better at forced casualness than Rees was, “That’s not to say Remus is my girlfriend, I believe he prefers the term significant other,” Sirius elbowed Remus, softly and playfully, “Am I right?”_

_Remus unclenched his jaw, and nodded, grinning at Sirius a little. Remus was so thankful that Sirius had shaken the initial shock and moved into sarcasm territory. Remus looked over to his mother, who had gone strangely quiet after leading the conversation for most of the night._

_“I think Remus should live here after school.” Carys said quietly but firmly, eyes fixed on her plate. Both Sirius and Rees looked at her in surprise, “I don’t want him living with your sort.” She shot a look at Sirius._

_“His sort?” Remus said astonished, “Mother I AM his sort! You know this I-”_

_Carys interrupted, “No! Not that. His family.”_

_Remus leveled his voice, “Mother, Sirius isn’t associated with the Blacks anymore, you heard him,” Remus gestured to Sirius, “He was disinherited.”_

_Carys shook her head, “It’s the same with all of them,” she said, almost to herself, “Blood will out. That’s what Lyall always said… Blood will always out.”_

_Remus, who had been looking at Sirius, desperately, turned his head so quickly he cricked his neck, “LYALL?” He practically bellowed, “What the fuck does Lyall have to do with this?” The rage that had been seething under the surface finally broke and was emanating like heat from his body._

_“It’s HIS fault that he’s dead!” Carys pointed a shaking finger at Sirius, who was sitting in his chair, stalk still, with a look of shock and horror on his face._

_Remus’s brain reeled, confused and angry, “Have you gone senile? He was FIVE when Lyall committed suicide!” Remus was standing now, though not remembering having made a conscious decision to stand. “Lyall was a weak coward, his death is no one’s fault but his own.”_

_Carys let out some sort of strangled cry and stood from her seat, facing Remus, “Your father was the bravest man I knew! He was sacked from that two bit job that barely kept us off the street by HIS father.” Again she levelled a finger in Sirius’s direction, her eyes on fire. She leaned forward, meeting Sirius’s terrified eyes, “Spitting image.” She said, poisonously._

_Remus’s vision went white, he kicked the chair down and grabbed Sirius by the arm. In the corner, the lamp light bulb burst, shattering glass on the floor. “You replaced Lyall. You replaced me. You have no right to blame Sirius. He has been better to me in the last six years than you have been in the last seventeen. I knew you would pull some kind of this shit. It’s always the same thing with you: placing the blame in the wrong places.” Remus was spilling all of his grievances out onto his mother. “YOU invited us here,” Hot tears were welling up in his eyes, his nose started to run,“and all evening you’ve been ignoring him! You disgust me.” He practically lifted Sirius out of his seat and started to drag him out of the house, when he turned around, and said, “Don’t bother coming to Platform 9 ¾. I never want to see you again.”_

_He pulled Sirius down the hall and out of the house, slamming the door behind him. The cold hair stung at his wet face. His head buzzed with the adrenaline that was coursing through his body, he felt dizzy and then nauseous. Remus collapsed onto the wet grass in the front lawn, sobbing. He felt so full of emotions yet so empty._

__

_“Moony-” Sirius placed a hand on his shoulder, “You didn’t need to do-”_

_“Yes. I did.” Remus responded through a stuffy nose. And they never spoke about the night again._  
  
~~~

The quidditch field was wet and squelching, and Harry and Sirius were fifty feet in the air, tossing the quaffle back and forth. Remus stood at the edge, not wanting to say anything, still shaking from the memory, but Sirius seemed to understand that he was wanted on the ground. He directed the broom downwards, and Harry lowered his elevation to twenty feet above the ground, and began circling around the field. Sirius alighted and walked over to Remus, a grin slowly sliding off his face as he looked at Remus’s expression. 

“What?” Sirius asked, holding out an arm to touch Remus’s shoulder.

“Carys… she- letter.” Remus gestured helplessly back at the house where he had left the letter. 

Sirius seemed to understand, or at least Remus hoped he did. He nodded and pulled Remus into a hug, “Come on, let's get Harry.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to my friends J and El, honestly both inspirations for this chapter.


	12. Stir Fry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The long awaited letter

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry! It's been weeks! I'm _so_ sorry for the cliffhanger.  
> This chapter isn't long but I promise it's good; I've just been in a writing slump recently, hopefully it's over!  
> Thank you guys for the influx of support! One hundred kudos! That's crazy! Also- thank you to all of you who have been leaving in depth comments, you have no clue how much it means to me.   
> **Content Warning** : Descriptions of anxiety and general paranoia, discussions of death eaters and murder, and descriptions of wounds and blood.

“But what about Dad’s mum?” Harry whispered, from the kitchen, with as much concern as a seven year old could put in their voice.

“Moony’s mum isn’t very nice.” Sirius responded quietly, fixing a pot of tea. 

Remus was curled on the couch, the letter sitting on the coffee table, staring at him. It was still unopened, and Sirius had gone directly into his ‘protect’ mode, which always started with step one: make tea. Remus disliked other people talking about him when he could just slightly overhear him, but it was just Sirius and Harry. However, the mysterious letter wore on his nerves, and as much as he disliked it, he harbored a small annoyance for his son and partner, still discussing his mother in hushed tones.

Sirius walked into the living room, holding two mugs of steaming tea, Harry trailing in his wake, looking very small, clutching his own small mug, green with a golden snitch. Sirius handed Remus his own large brown mug, the porcelain ridged and painted blue. He liked his mug, and he tried to focus on it, instead of the letter that was _still_ staring at him from the coffee table. Sirius settled himself down on the couch next to Remus and Harry took to the floor, propping his back up against the large armchair. 

“Are you going to open it, Moony?” Sirius asked cautiously, “It’s not a howler or anything.”

Remus tore his eyes away from the letter, it was the first contact his mother had given him in over a decade, maybe Sirius had forgotten how severe that night was. He looked at Sirius and felt his face tingle a little bit as his eyes welled up. 

“I’ll open it.” Remus said, but he made no move towards the letter. He felt glued to the couch, the letter’s gaze fixing him to a spot. “I’m going to open it.” Remus said again, more to himself than Sirius, telling himself what to do.

He extended his hand and snatched the letter from the coffee table, ripping the tacky envelope paper. Inside, the letter read, 

_  
Dear Remus,_

_I know I have no right to contact you, especially after ten years of silence, but I saw your feature in Witch Weekly. I didn’t know I had a grandson, and I would very much like to meet him. That is, if it’s okay with Sirius._

_Please, Remus, I have changed, I was angry and bitter over your father and the whole wizarding world, even after twelve years. Four years ago Rees died of a heart attack, and so it’s just me, Becca and Osian. Becca is off at university now, she’s quite clever._

_Osian is a different story, that's part of the reason I wrote to you, Remus. After you left, Osian started doing what you used to do, floating plates, turning off lights, talking to animals. I received a letter from an A. Dumbledore informing me that Osian is to attend Hogwarts next fall, and I need your help.  
_

_Remus, I know I don’t deserve it, but I really do need it._

_It said in the article that Harry is seven? I would like ever so much to meet him. Please, Remus, write back and tell me when I can visit._

_My love,  
_

_Carys_

Remus lowered the letter, to see Sirius’s face, a combination of shock and confusion. “Osian? Hogwarts?”

Remus said, “Muggleborn, I guess.” 

Sirius raised his eyebrows but didn’t say anything.

“Muggleborn?” Harry asked, quietly. 

Sirius turned to him, smiling kindly, “It means that your parents aren’t magic but you are. Your mum was muggleborn.”

Harry’s eyes brightened a little, “Okay.” He said happily. 

Remus was looking at the letter, still a little shocked, but one thing got through, besides Osian: She wanted to meet Harry, technically her grandson. Remus felt a surge of strange protectiveness over Harry; had Carys _really_ changed, or could she just write pretty words in a letter? He scanned it over once more, she had asked for Sirius’s permission, not his. Remus was unsure as to how he felt about that, it was as though she hadn’t wronged Remus, only Sirius. There was the proof he needed to say she really hadn’t changed. However, some small thing in him wanted to invite her, to reach out. Remus resisted the urge to call it a familial bond and labelled it sheer curiosity. He tried to remember what he could about Osian, if there was anything special or specific about him, but it was fruitless.

Remus looked up at Sirius, who was watching him intently, studying his face. Harry was playing pleasantly with Harriet who was almost fully grown at eight months old. Sirius scooted closer to Remus, leaning back on the couch cushions and wrapping his arm around Remus’s shoulders, “We don’t have to invite her if you don’t want to.” Remus sighed, and Sirius pulled his arm closer, bringing Remus in, “Really, it’s your choice.” 

“I think we should let her come.” Remus said, in a breath, “I… I think she’ll need help and” he gestured to Harry, “she wants to meet Harry…” Remus couldn’t think of any valid reason for refusal. He threw up his hands, semi-exasperatedly, “She should be able to, he’s her grandson.”

Sirius nodded, “But he’s _your_ son.” He fixed him with a stare, “This isn’t about what you owe her, this is about if you’re ready to let her back into your life.” Remus looked down into his lap, fiddling with the letter. 

Sirius was so perfect when it came to dealing with Remus’s problems, he had an uncanny ability to put things in perspective. Unfortunately he was sorely lacking when it came to using this tool to solve his own problems.

Remus had to force his neck up and met Sirius’s eyes, “I think we should invite her.” he felt set in his decision as soon as he said it out loud. 

Sirius nodded, face still annoyingly placid, “Alright.”

Harry looked up from the cat and smiled at Sirius, “I knew it was gonna be okay, didn’t I say Padfoot?” 

Sirius threw a look to Remus, almost of fear, and thankfully Remus found that he was able to conjure up an understanding smile.

Harry was smiling happily to himself, still petting Harriet, watched by Sirius. Remus thought of how different he had been a decade ago. He had been a child himself, raised for a war, but still, a child. Now, here he was, nearly thirty, a war vet, a father and a long time partner, and the thought of his estranged mother still shook him to his core. Remus was trying to school his thoughts between ‘Twenty-seven is plenty young! You’re barely an adult.’ and ‘Everything you’ve experienced in the past ten years has built you into someone much older than twenty-seven.’ The dichotomy made Remus’s head hurt. 

“I-” Remus cleared his throat, Sirius looked up, anxious, “I think I’ll make stir-fry. We’ll need jasmine rice.”

A smile crept onto Sirius’s face, “Jasmine rice.” He repeated. 

“Yes, and water chestnuts.” Remus added, nodding.

“Of course, water chestnuts.” Sirius’s smile broadened. The tension seemed to be seeping away, draining out of the room, making way for the bright warmth that Harry seemed to radiate everywhere he went. 

~~

Remus had seen a lot of blood in his life. As he scrubbed his hands free of the garden mud, the iron rich soil made red swirls in the water and down the drain reminding him of blood. Remus found that when he was the most relaxed and comfortable is when the intrusive thoughts slipped to the forefront of his mind the easiest. Of course he was always anxious, locking the doors every night and shoring them up with charms, on top of the multitudes of spells they already had on the house. He often woke after dreaming of himself and Sirius, killed the same way as Lily and James had been, by Voldemort or one of his supporters, trying to finish the job of killing Harry. 

But today he had been having such a great time with Harry and Sirius, picking vegetables in the insanely large garden Euphemia had poured years into. Remus levitated the giant barrel of potatoes into the backyard, and then slumped into the bathroom to wash his mud-covered arms. He was exhausted but grinning like a lunatic.

Then, as he was washing the mud off his hands a memory resurfaced, a night he had entirely forgotten. One night Marlene and Remus’s supposed stake out had been interrupted by death eaters. After being chased down the streets of London, cowering from jinxes and spells, they had been able to apparate, four times for caution, to an Order safe house. Marlene had been splinched, a large chunk of her leg was missing. Remus had sustained a strange and nasty curse that had temporarily left him blind and deaf. Thankfully Caradoc Dearborne had been able to put him right, just weeks before Dearborne had disappeared. Still, the swirls of iron mud in the sink reminded him of the blood swirling in the water basin next to Marlene’s unconscious body so many years ago. He remembered that they hadn’t realized that it had been the Lestrange brothers because they had taken doses of polyjuice potions. Remus and Marlene had walked directly into a trap that night. 

“You alright Moons?” Sirius leaned on the door frame, sleeves rolled up, with smudges of dirt on his face. Harry appeared around his legs. Remus realized that he had been staring into the basin, letting the water flow.

He quickly turned off the taps, “Yeah, sorry, just zoning out.” He shot a nervous smile at Sirius and bent slightly to tickle Harry’s sides, “Imma get you!” Harry turned and ran, laughing, into the living room. Remus laughed after him, and hung back near Sirius. 

“You really are okay?” Sirius put a hand on his shoulder.

Remus turned around to face Sirius, finally feeling his anxiety bubble up and boil over, “How do we know it’s really my mother?” Remus said in a low voice. 

“What?” Sirius said, knitting his brows.

“I think we forget sometimes that there are people who actively want Harry dead.” Remus explained, “After ten years she wants to get in contact _now?_ That doesn’t seem a little bit weird?” 

Sirius pursed his lips, “But she said Osian-”

Remus cut him off, “It could’ve been a lie, what if someone is trying to get near Harry? What if they’re at my mother’s house right now? What if they’re hurt or something? What if-” 

“Remus,” Sirius interrupted, “This isn’t the war anymore.” Sirius grabbed both of Remus’s shoulders, “I promise, there aren’t any death eaters camped out at your mothers place, trying to get close enough to Harry so they can,” he dropped his voice to an even lower whisper, “Kill him.” Sirius raised his eyebrows.

Remus sighed, maybe he was just being anxious. He never really felt the war was completely and definitively over. “Y-you’re right. Sometimes I forget-” 

“That we aren’t at war anymore?” Sirius finished his sentence. Remus nodded, looking down at his hands, he knew that Sirius’s complacency would not assuage his anxiety, but he could at least act like it did. Sirius placed a finger under his chin and lifted his face up, “I forget too, sometimes.” he said, quietly.

Remus nodded again and shrugged Sirius’s hands off his shoulders, and walked away. He felt anxious and frustrated now; Remus knew for a fact there were still Voldemort supporters out there, laying low, under the impression that as long as Harry lived, Voldemort could never return. Some thought that Voldemort was dead, forever, that Harry permanently defeated him, and perhaps Sirius thought this too: it would explain his casualness. Remus knew better; a powerful wizard like that would be able to cling to the living world, even if he was nothing more than a shadow. 

Remus wasn’t sure how exactly he could protect Harry while pretending like he trusted the letter from his ‘mother’. For the first time in years Remus thought of Mad-Eye Moody, and his favorite crowd rouser, _Constant Vigilance!_ Remus walked into the library and started drafting a letter to Alastor, being sure to send it off quietly on Athena. He watched the beautiful tawny owl sweep out of the window above the golden fields of grass, glowing under the sunset, reminded slightly of the war, quiet owls swooping out in secret.

Remus sighed and closed the window panes against the cool March breeze and headed downstairs where Sirius and Harry were peeling potatoes. His gaze felt heavy with guilt and worry, and, claiming aches from the approaching full moon, sat down on the couch and tried to bury his thoughts in his book.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to El, for inspiring me to finish this chapter, you rock the casbah ;)


End file.
